*adjusts Glasses*

Dear future con artists..... errrm.....i mean, dear future leaders of America,

When you're leaving a law firm and are planning to screw said law firm over by stealing their clientele, refrain from using up our paper to print out confidential documents late in the evening and leaving them sitting on the printer while you go off and take a ****. It kills trees and you will be caught.

Further more, refrain from using your work computer to forward confidential documents to your g-mail account. YOU WILL BE CAUGHT. This not only shows how much you fail at screwing people over it also shows your epic fail at assuming that the IT Department peeps are as stupid as they act. Just assume that they have been monitoring your activity while they munch on burgers and search for funny youtube clips.

In closing, should you fail to follow any of the above advice- you will not only be caught and fired. You will be treated like a criminal in front of your soon to be ex office mates. The very same ones you spent two years trying to "fool" into thinking you're a harmless dope.

You my dear ex office mate are now the joke of the year. You will now go down in history next to:

- the guy that spent months talking to himself and slapping himself in the face with a stapler and had a mental meltdown soon after;
- the chick that was a ****** at being an attorney but, good at giving head to attorneys and cried during her horrible yearly review;
-the one IT guy that was stealing equipment and selling it on ebay;
-the partner that got sued by the first guy I mentioned for so many things that i can not list because they are all true and cost us LOADS of money and then he ditched us, taking his crew of silly brainwashed associates with him;
-my buddy D that got fired because his supervisor said he was slacking off and quite possibly drinking when he shoulve been working <-----also true;
-the paralegal (named "diaper girl") that got fired for billing hours for work that she didnt do <----because she was too busy changing that diaper

Sometimes, I really do like my job. GO CORPORATE AMERICA! You're doing a fine job.

Edit- now, this was all posted in fun. All that i posted is true but, the point is....loyalty people. WTF? This guy probably felt screwed over by us, but really? Your job is to bill. BILL and make money. He wasnt cutting it. So, he's gonna screw us over? Where's the morality in that? And then he does it BADLY! EPIC FAIL. And, need i mention that i found him completely annoying?

EdieQuinnz EdieQuinnz
31-35, F
10 Responses Sep 20, 2012

Wowww.... *happily stunned.* Just finished a quick browse of ur contribs in this group & a few more. Pointed, prolific & amusing. Me --> officially a fan. .

But ummm... *glances over shoulder warily for the vigilant IT guys...* Shouldn't u be taking a dep or briefing a case, or sucking up to some corporate billable hours right now??? They don't actually let you have free time, do they?! Bad, Badass lawyer-girl....

Thankfully for me- im not an attorney. I just babysit them =P

Ha! ***-umption &amp; lack of due diligence on my part. Lucky law firm then, to have such razor wit on staff. Rock on.


I'm canadain

we all know Canadians are good people.

............and who would complain about any of those things?

.&lt;----approves of dark corners and forgotten nights

OMG! How stupid can anyone get?


U rock

This was funny as hell! I really hope more people **** up at your job so we can read your awesome stories.

I realized how terrible that was of me to say. But..but... HA! You're awesome. :]

. lmao!

Lmao I want to work where you do. It sounds so entertaining!

..lol you're hired!

lol awesome! When do I start ;) jks

You should write books. I would read them. Your writing is entertaining as ****.


Wow.. someone is gunna loose it and shoot that place up sooner or later.

.........i hope its not me

People, in general, never cease to amaze me. It is most unfortunate when we realize idiots (like the one mentioned above) will always be around.
You hit the nail right on the head with the IT guys - so true!

your office space sounds like a sitcom........ or the possible sight of a future attempted shootout

yes indeed. Cant wait for the shootout! =D

be sure to film it for us for our amusement. i once had a boss who didn't speak english for ****....i think he was from isreal or mars

.&lt;-----thinks being from Mars is perfectly acceptable

he once sent me to a hardware store and wrote the name of the place so wrongly i thought it was a disco club.

...........maybe deep down you wanted it to be a disco club!

it would have helped if he wrote it in actual english. but maybe my inner hipster longed for it deep down inside.

.........i knew it!

oh sush at least i'm not a diaper lova

.^^^ you love me therefore you love diapers .....in a sense

ur momma it wouldn't be possible for me to not love you... am i still grounded?

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