*adjusts Glasses*Dear future con artists..... errrm.....i mean, dear future leaders of America,
When you're leaving a law firm and are planning to screw said law firm over by stealing their clientele, refrain from using up our paper to print out confidential documents late in the evening and leaving them sitting on the printer while you go off and take a ****. It kills trees and you will be caught.
Further more, refrain from using your work computer to forward confidential documents to your g-mail account. YOU WILL BE CAUGHT. This not only shows how much you fail at screwing people over it also shows your epic fail at assuming that the IT Department peeps are as stupid as they act. Just assume that they have been monitoring your activity while they munch on burgers and search for funny youtube clips.
In closing, should you fail to follow any of the above advice- you will not only be caught and fired. You will be treated like a criminal in front of your soon to be ex office mates. The very same ones you spent two years trying to "fool" into thinking you're a harmless dope.
You my dear ex office mate are now the joke of the year. You will now go down in history next to:
- the guy that spent months talking to himself and slapping himself in the face with a stapler and had a mental meltdown soon after;
- the chick that was a ****** at being an attorney but, good at giving head to attorneys and cried during her horrible yearly review;
-the one IT guy that was stealing equipment and selling it on ebay;
-the partner that got sued by the first guy I mentioned for so many things that i can not list because they are all true and cost us LOADS of money and then he ditched us, taking his crew of silly brainwashed associates with him;
-my buddy D that got fired because his supervisor said he was slacking off and quite possibly drinking when he shoulve been working <-----also true;
-the paralegal (named "diaper girl") that got fired for billing hours for work that she didnt do <----because she was too busy changing that diaper
Sometimes, I really do like my job. GO CORPORATE AMERICA! You're doing a fine job.
Edit- now, this was all posted in fun. All that i posted is true but, the point is....loyalty people. WTF? This guy probably felt screwed over by us, but really? Your job is to bill. BILL and make money. He wasnt cutting it. So, he's gonna screw us over? Where's the morality in that? And then he does it BADLY! EPIC FAIL. And, need i mention that i found him completely annoying?
EdieQuinnz 31-35, F 11 Responses 15 Sep 20, 2012