My Wish, My Dream

I have two sides within me that war over this issue.  One side, that continues to grow and wants to become a helpless bedwetter again and the other that says, "I'm not so sure about that".

I've heard it elsewhere and Hewholovestobewet confirms that once you loose your nightime control it is very hard to regain.  That strikes panic into the one side of me but the, "I want to become a bedwetter side" leaps for joy.  I hope that someday soon that bedwetter side of me gets to scream like a little girl, "Yes yes yes, we did it!"

I can't wait for the day when my nighttime control slips away and the cautious, conservative side of me finally sits in defeat and says, "oh sh*t I'm becoming a bedwetter again."  Eventually friends and family will dicover that I wet the bed like a little kid and need diapers again."  I think I will literally cry tears of joy the day I know for sure I'm losing my nightime control and I'll be thrilled to know that I might never get it back.  I want this so bad.  Who's with me?

doodlebug2055 doodlebug2055
36-40, M
9 Responses Mar 9, 2009

Jobrowne,<br />
Right now I just really hope my night time continence is lost. I want it to happen through and through ...no reservations, just completely peaceful with it happening. I'm having less and less recall of what went on during the night but I almost always wake up and have to intentionally let go. I've had maybe a dozen times when I absolutely have no recollection of what happened, I only know I woke up in a wet diaper. When it becomes completely involuntary and happens almost every night, I will finally be at the place I've longed for all my life. If then, my daytime control is taken from me, so be it. If I have to start wearing pads for accidental leakage, I'm fine with that. If it gets worse than that, I'm willing to accept it as a consequence. Part of me hopes that will be the case but I want it taken away without the concerted effort I'm putting on bed wetting.<br />
I wear Abena X-Plus at night and sometimes, after work, I'll wear a Depends just to get my body used to NOT holding pee. The Depends SUCK but they're cheap and readily available. I have to mail order the Abena's. I use a vinyl mattress cover for leaks and wear cotton lined athletic warm up pants to bed. I've found that on the rare occasion I leak, what hits the sheets is minimal. I don't mind a very subtle smell in my bed to remind me I am a bed wetter.

be who you really are. truly. authentically. unapologetically.

I like drinking a big glass of warm milk before going to bed. It also helps to drink lots of fluids untill right before going to bed. Good luck. I AM A BEDWETTER AND PROUD OF IT!!

I'm home with my daughter today and as usual, I dozed off while watching her mind numbing cartoons this morning. I was in one of those dreamy states where you remember things well when I felt that wonderful feeling I long for of pee coming out of me. I was lying on our new couch - not wearing a diaper. I woke up, realized I had been dreaming and quickly reached for my crotch hoping for the best but I was sadly disappointed. Completely dry! Grrrr. Hopefully it's an prelude to things to come.

Why not try one cup of water so then hopefully you will wake later during the night and hopefully not properly. What you need to do is get to the stage where you wet as soon as you feel the slightest need. If you do sleep through and haven't wet by morning make sure you empty your bladder as soon as you start to wake. By makeing sure emptying your bladder is the very first thing you do as you awake gradually you will be more likely to wake up after the event. While I was regressing I often sort of woke up while peeing. Often I don't remember finnishing so must have drifted of again while still peeing. It wasn't long after that I started sleeping through till morning and waking up wet.

I had a false alarm on Friday night. I always drink a couple cups of water before bed to make sure I need to go during the night. Naturally, I woke about an hour after lying down and let it go. Then the next time I woke up was 7:30. I was excited as I thought there was no way I could have held my pee that long and I must have wet during my sleep. Unfortunately, when I checked my diaper, it was only wet enough for one wetting. I wont be discourage from my goal, I will persevere until I become a helpless bed wetter.

That's a good question Hewholovestobewet, I'm not sure I know exactly why. I think it's mainly a coping mechanism ...a stress reliever. Deep within, I think it takes me back to a simpler time in my life. Maybe I want to relive my childhood because I wasn't full of all the insecurities I've picked up along the way. Maybe the diapers ARE my security now. <br />
<br />
I've had an attraction to wearing diapers for as long as I can remember. I remember getting into the leftover diapers from my little brother before I was kindergarten age. I would snipe a diaper or two from my cousins diaper bag at family gatherings. I'd use them when I went babysitting. One day when I was a young teenager, I discovered adult diapers in a pharmacy - I never realized there was such a thing. I'm ashamed to say that I would steel one occasionally (from a package of 20 or whatever). I don't think it was until I was in college that I got the nerve to buy a full package. I've never felt my heart pound so hard! I was 25 in 1995, about the time the internet became available to me. I was so happy to discover that I was not a freak of nature! There were others out there just like me. Soon I bought my first Molicare diapers online; they were heavenly!<br />
<br />
I've had several binge and purge cycles over my lifetime. Times I've hated my diaper affection because of the guilt it caused and times when I couldn't get enough of them for the comfort, security and affection they gave me. Eventually I concluded that I would never shake the desire for diapers and I haven't had a purge cycle in a great while.<br />
<br />
A couple years ago, I devised a plan to initiate my wife into my complex so that I could stop hiding it from her. I purposely wet the bed one night and over the course of a year, increased my frequency of "accidents" in bed. Then one time when we stayed in a hotel, I put on a diaper and slipped into bed. Needless to say, a discussion was started. I continued to increase the wetting frequency until she concluded that I might as well wear them every night. I still feel dishonest because I don't NEED them but at least I can freely satisfy the need the diapers fill in me.<br />
<br />
That brings me to today. I have an undeniable need to wear and use diapers that I've given up trying to eliminate. I guess if I have a legitimate need to wear them, all will be rectified. I wont be lying to my wife anymore and whatever that internal need is that diapers fill, it will finally be freely satisfied. I just want peace and since I can't remove the desire, the only solution is to have a legitimate need.

What is the main reason behind your desire to regress?

my family knows I wet the bed mom ever bought me diapers when she found out I was 19 then she knows I still wet when ever I come home she has olsatic on my bed and I bring my diapers with

I guess if you want it bad enough it will happen.