I Can't Choose Between My Love For My Son, And His Future?I have reached a crossroads in my life that is tearing me apart inside. Because of my situation I am having to make the decision to sacrifice my need to spend precious time with my son, time that if I don't have, then I never will. I do not want to open my eyes in 10 years time, and regret not doing more with my son.
Ben, is staying at a friends tonight, a good friend I know the family, and he is safe and having fun. He left home today around 1. pm got the bus and went out, I won't see him until probably late tomorrow night. I left for work this morning at around 9 ish, and got home at 10.15 pm. Proabably get home the same time tomorrow.
I miss him, rang him half an hour a go just to tell him I miss him. Lucky for me I know he loves me and doesn't mind saying that in front of anyone even if his pals take the pee (in a nice way). Ben doesn't mind being teased when it comes to how he feels about me. Really proud of that considering his has just turned 15?
We just don't spend much time with each other anymore and I miss his so much.
You see the thing is back in May I split with my long term partner My financial position dropped. Instead of working together in a business that we built with our savings, I am now having to find work that will pay me well enough to ensure I can provide for my child on my own.
I have done this before, 12 years ago when I divorced his father. But back then I was younger, stronger, and Ben would not remember that for the next two years he would probably see more of his Nana and Grandad than me just whilst I turned my life around again.
Well I did turn my life around, and a few years later I met my last partner. It took a year before I introduced him to my son. I was not desperate to be with anyone, I was independent, had a good job, nice home, Ben wanted for nothing. I wasn't rich, no just comfortable. Comfortable enough to go on holiday twice and year, just Ben and me just to reconnect and spend time together.
So when I met someone it was the right time for me, Ben was happy, I was happy.
Now Ben is 15 and I am at the same crossroads. This time though it isn't the same. Each year spending more and more time with his friends and not with me (as all kids do, I do know that)......
Part 2 to follow ..............
Kurlysue 41-45, F 3 Responses 2 Aug 22, 2012