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And Finally....

I am okay with it. It use to bother me a whole lot, but this morning, when I couldn't really sleep, I did a Lot of thinking, and I know that its fine that my mother doesn't Love me. I know that it is not my fault she doesn't Love me. I know that its not my fault she hurt me the way she did.

For a long time, it use to effect me really bad that she didn't Love me, and that I was never good enough for her, but I'm fine with that now. I am fine that I am never going to be good enough for her, and I am glad that I am finally coming to terms with it.

It use to leave me feeling so upset, and so depressed that she couldn't Love me. I thought it was something wrong with me, or something that I was, or was not doing right, but I now know that its outta my control, and I can't change the way she is, and I won't change who I am, for her acceptence, if she can't accept me, than that is her problem not mine.

I am finally at peace with not being good enough for her, I don't need to be good enough for her, I just need to be good enough for me.

deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 5, 2010

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this is how i deal with not being good enough for the entirety of society. Admittedly, not being good enough for the person who is supposed to accept you and cherish you no matter what is more difficult, but when that fact gets me down, I simply remember:

I have always been good enough for me, and repeatedly failing peoples expectations should not HAVE to change that.

If only I could win that battle I thought I have but haven't I keep trying to reach her and can't she's my mom aren't I supposed to love her? but I know deep down I'll never be good enough I admire you