Post

It's Kinda Funny Actually...

I remember the events of the evening, the most significant part of the day, I feel, but for the life of me I can not remember the date or what I had done earlier that day…

Let me clarify…

I am speaking about the day my father left me, my mother, and my sister for another family, that we didn’t know of at the time…

I was 11 years old…my father was acting strange when he got home from work…he wanted to speak to my mother about something…she was up in our extra room of the house…

Quick layout of the house: extra room across from my room to the right of my room was a bathroom and to the right of that my sister’s room, across from the bathroom was the stair well.

I was curious what was going on, I KNEW something was wrong…I went in my room sitting there hoping I could hear what it was…that everything was at least ok…I don’t really remember the conversation…but I remember the upset sound of my mother’s voice…it was a combination of angry and wanting to cry…

Then my father came in my room…he sat next to me on my bed…and told me he loved me…then unleashed the first of many bombs in my life…

He told me he was going to leave, that him and my mother were going to get a divorce…

I sat there in shock, my parents loved each other so much…why were they ending that?

I remember I started crying…and I sat there crying…my father trying to calm me down…but he couldn’t…

All I remember thinking that night was: It’s my fault…I wasn’t smart enough…I didn’t bring home good enough grades…I let daddy down…and now he’s leaving us because of me…

I don’t remember going downstairs, but the next thing of that I remember is sitting on the couch with my mom, her holding me while I cried…and my dad packing his bags…not even once looking at us…

That was the beginning of the ****** excuse of a life I have had concerning my family…

That opened the door, if you will, to so much more…

Trouble with emotions, trouble with friends, learning my father had another child on the way when he left us, suppressed memories of abuse, and so much more…

In a way I’m thankful for him leaving…and in a way I can only think of hateful things towards my father…

Life’s funny isn’t it?
yamihirugashi yamihirugashi 22-25, F May 31, 2011

Your Response

Cancel