On Your Own!

When I was 19yrs I got involved with my NOW husband! When I met him ,he seemed so cool older by 9yrs, he had seen and done things and I felt I was a silly schoolgirl! What I didn't really realise is that he was an addict! He drank at first ,yes but I thought everyone did! We had a whirlwind romance and 6 months later I was pregnant! I hadn't noticed till it was too late, as I was experimenting with drugs and my periods just plain stopped! I was also very under weight, which didn't help! So I take the test, by now I am 4 month gone, puking everywhere! I was so naive, I thought babies were like dolls , to love and care for, to love me back! I had no idea about the mental and physical stress they put on you! The total responsibility! The change of life a baby would bring, No No idea at all! So 4 months in, I had my first scan day. It was early at 9.15am! I was up at 6am nervous, anxious waiting! I went to wake my love up, but he felt ill! It was junk sick, cold turkey, no medicine for him! I didn't understand as I didn't have a habit!! He wouldn't get up!!! I'm too ill! Go on your own! Well I cried and whined but it was no use, so I thought I'd try my parents! This was a big step for me, as they were sooo disappointed, Pregnant out of Wedlock to a Drug Addict!!! They hated him with a vengeance!! So I walked through town crying hysterically, I didn't care who saw!! I got there, and my mum was worried ?What is it??I'm crying so hard ,I can't get the words out! Mum MUm, he won't go! See I knew the scan was important ,after all I would SEE my BABY, see the reality! Then My Dad stormed in from the kitchen! Shouting, shouting! And normally he never speaks to me, so I am shocked! He Won't Go!! My father exclaimed! I got frightened he was going to go round and beat my fella up!!! Well he said, " Abort the Bastard And Be Done With It!!
That set the crying off again, I couldn't believe what he was saying, but he meant ,this is your problem, You made your bed so lie in it! Its your fault! See that's how my parents think, all emotions bottled up, hidden away! So I'm shocked to the core!
Eventually my Mum came with me, but it wasn't the same. I wanted my partner, I wanted support, I didn't expect to be pushed away! I had to grow up that day, realise that after all we are on our own!!!
cath17 cath17
36-40, F
2 Responses May 10, 2012

But you're still married, so I guess it worked out OK, right?

It seems we start playing in the sandbox and the falls don't hurt.Then that sand turns to stone and the falls break and bruise us. Seems you have fallen hard and are broken and bruised inside and out. I feel your pain.

Thanks Vince! I am broken and I guess you are too!! We are 2 of a kind!! Why wouldn't you talk this morning?? Do you know how to use the chat tool?? Click on the thumbs up symbol on the bottom of screen! It gives a tutorial on how to do it! Just type in Cath17 and I'll be there!! I'm always there, remember that!!!! Cool, Cath