Trying to Move On

I spent eight years of my life with my mother, a bipolar, substance-abusing alcoholic. I've been away from her for six years now, but my mind is still stuck in the same place as it was when I was with her. My past wasn't really that bad, but I can't seem to let go of my hurt and it's affecting my present relationships really badly... I wish I could forgive and move on, but I can't seem to.
therabidtoenail therabidtoenail
18-21, F
8 Responses Jun 19, 2007

we all have the difficulty of not being able to forgive others, but, you also have wronged others and i am sure that you want forgiveness too from them, there is someone who forgives you all your wrong dong, you hurt him every day, by your actions and words, because he lovesy you, he can help you to forgive, i had to forgive some hard wrongs, so i ask for divine help to let go, and just say it to God, lord i find it hard, but i forgive.. because you forgive me, then you will be free to move forward and be blessedand a blessing, and let me lell you, the things you lost by forgiving and letting go, you gain back much more, because God is ajust God, he recompenses, he will give you much more in return,thati would not matter, one day my friend stole much money from me, it was so hard, i cried for months, and then one day i went to church, and i told God, i felt like victim, and while i was conversing with him, i felt like someone took a sizzors and cut a cord from me, when i came home i felt disconnected from her, she didnt affect me anymore, andhe replaced the money for meelse where, nowi can love her, because i have something better, i have come up higher. hope this helps you.

For me, I'll never forget trauma from my past, but would I say 'I'll never get over it'? It probably feels like that at times but I think it's best to keep plugging away and one day you might surprise yourself.

I know just what you mean. It is as though no matter I do my childhood memories still haunt me. Sometimes it is as clear as day and it is like I am there again. the problem is though that I keep blaming myself and questioning myself all over again. Just when you think that you can finally move on, it comes up again and again.

I really feel for you. It's like you've been waiting for so long to escape the physical situation that once you finally do, you think weee, ok, Now my life can begin and I can be normal... only to find out that you can never really fully escape. About the second chance thing you said too, I always think that with patience, like I've given it all up throughout my life, and I really feel sometimes that I just have NONE left even for other people I care about. But we're not alone... and we'll make it... we have to!

I really appreciate your honesty. I am 39 and had to deal with really difficult feelings towards my dad. I fostered a hatred for him for many years. Now, I have 3 kids of my own and if I want my kids to give me grace in the mistakes i have and will make, I realized that I will need to extend grace to my father. Life has changed for him the past 5 years and he is a different person, I am grateful that I am at a different place that i feel that I can reach out to him and help him a better grandfather than he was a father. BUT before I got to this place, i was at a place of numbness, a place not only did I not care, I choose to invest no emotional energy in the relationship. To me, that relationship was a fruitless investment so I never gave anything relationally I expected to get back in return. This helped me to protect my marriage and allowed me to separate my current pain from my past pain, if that makes sense.

Hi,<br />
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If you haven't had therapy probably from a psychologist then I do urge you to see one. It can be arranged through your doctor. It is the only way you will be able to move forward. When you have had several sessions you will be like a new person - please believe me!!

Yeah... I try to be normal, but my relationships now are warped by my childhood experiences... --;; I'm upset by the tiniest things and I have trouble trusting people. I feel like I gave my mother so many "second chances" that there are no more left for the people I love.

wow, i feel like you just defined a part of my life. dealing with a bipolar mother is definitely not easy. just when you think things will be okay, everything spirals back to when you were younger. it's so hard. i pray for things to be okay in the present every day.