The Human Condition of Regret...

Odd creatures, we are. Of all other things in this world, we are the only ones that regret. Of things in my past, I feel a great amount of hate and regret. Things that have become the Stuff of Nightmares, wrapped deep within my heart in that fabled Cloak of Shadows, the doors to that chamber closed to all, even to my Rose. It is those secrets, those foul, rage inducing, naseous secrets that have loomed over me for so many years. Because of these secrets, Hate has become my mantra, solitude my stoic companion, and Revenge my motivation. I WILL destroy those that have wronged me, I will stalk them to the bitter ends of the night without remorse, I shall hunt them in the very places they hold sacred, I will destroy them even while they sleep. There are many things to regret, the Ex, the current situation of my children, but most of all, the shunning of my instinct when I lost my Rose. Many people live life regretting what they did, or did not do, but as often as they dwell on this, they do not learn from it. I have learned. And with my knowledge, I shall never have such regret. I have accepted this as a part of myself, it has shaped who I am. I love my past, even those parts I regret. For if such things had never happened, I would not be who I am.
Lucavi Lucavi
26-30, M
3 Responses Jul 29, 2007

Nourishing a resentment is like taking poison and expecting somebody else to die.

I agree with most of what you said at the bottom of your story, about how our experiences have shaped us into who we are now. I don't know though, if being set on thoughts of revenge is the way to move forward. And believe me, I have some things to be pretty enraged about myself, but I know if I suck on the hatred for too long, it will just end up draining me of everything good, or positive. I used to harbour wicked little thoughts of revenge for all those who did me wrong, and enjoyed them , but it doesn't matter anymore. I just want to overcome it all without wasting the tedium and energy of hatred on those ********. I have better ways to use it.

Adults have a lot to answer for when it comes to little children, some of us grow from our abuse, some grow into bigger abusers, I would rather die with love in my heart then to die with hate, for me to live with dark thoughts is a very lonely scary place, but then I suppose everything has an opposit and thats great because that means we have a chose to pick which side of the fence we wanna sit. xx