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Narcissistic Damage

For 15 years my ex had convinced me that the problems were with me, that i had somehow destroyed everything due to my actions and choices. It drove me into isolation and despair. I began self loathing thinking i was less of a person and should die to give my family the favor they deserved.  One night during a fight i tested the waters just to see which one of us really had a problem. I started it myself. Its very easy to enrage a narcissistic person , it took a matter of 3 minutes.  I faked the whole thing, i made him think i was suffering because of him, with my back turned i seen his shadow leave the room.

I stopped crying and lit a cigarette, he returned confused and dazed-  his expression of gratification and accomplishment turned into rage. I wasn't allowing him to hurt me, and he couldn't handle it. I accused him of wanting me to suffer because he was, or so i thought. It was all a game well at least it was for him. The years and months passed with the same pain day after day, the one thing i didn't know was that his mother was behind it all.  I suspected it but couldn't prove it.  Until she suddenly gave word that she was dying of cancer, given a short time to live. That's when the real side of him started coming out along with his addiction and obsession with his mother.  I confess their relationship was rather odd, but it seemed to stupid to ponder.  Until the day he pushed me out of his life saying he needed to care for his mother, I naturally figured she needed a few things to help her out and that he's return, it never happened. After putting everything together logically, i noticed  a disturbing fact that still bothers me today.. his mother didn't have children to love, take care of and support, she had kids to serve her. My husband was the golden child whom she showered with praise, admiration and her son which she  idolized. She gave him power of attorney, allowing him to put all of her assets in his name. Material things that had little meaning to a true believer of god. He believed her to be a goddess, heaven sent and perfect, her word was law and did everything he could to keep that illusion reality in his mind. He seen himself as a good nature d easy going loving person who would take the shirt off his back for anyone, in reality he was impossible, arrogant, egotistical liar that fed off my suffering for his selfish gain. He was incapable of love, and mimicked the expressions of love quite charmingly. The truth is now unfolding in his life, his mother never loved him he was an object she could dominate, killing his spirit,.  He in return seen me as a possession he could manipulative any way he wanted, breaking me into pieces, with no conscience to speak of. His mother made sure that she took everything away from from him that mattered, the ultimate sacrifice for his mothers love.

She never died and is still alive, however she is 80 and when she passes he will be shocked to discover that with her passing, he has been left with absolutely nothing. His life is nothing and was given nothing by the god he calls mother.  
peachfuzz68 peachfuzz68 41-45, F 20 Responses Apr 7, 2012

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It is a VERY good thing that you have realized YOUR selfworth and put the blame where it belongs on your EX and his mother. I am glad that you found your strength and got away from that hurtfull relationship before it destroyed you. I send you My Best Wishes and I do hope that you receive all the blessings that you deserve being the Honest person, Fantastic woman, and Great mother that you are. It is an Honor to be your Friend here on EP, Thank You.

oh, blessing to you my friend, i'm honored to be your friend as well. Thank you.

Dear peachfuzz68,<br />
<br />
Just noticed your post after a long delay. My heart goes out to you. warriorpoett said it best with his zip code transplant idea, something I call 'voting with your feet.' Two thoughts: 1) No one can do anything to us without our permission. 2) Everything is a learning experience, even if all you learn is that you would never do it again.<br />
<br />
I will send you another post soon.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Ra<br />
<br />
PS - epiphany is a form of revelation

thank you, it sure is!

My daughter,s mother in law is too Narcissist, daughter has been suffered lot,But thanks to God almighty, now things are ok all is settled. I understand yours suffering and pain.<br />
my Daughter,s mother in law is kind of Hitler, her words are last unchangeable laws for her family and her husband,<br />
God save to all for such a evil soul ameen.

Sorry u can`t add me, I hope u have a happy mothers day.

thank you my friend

thats all very strange a mother does more harm than good interfering . when a man meets a woman he is sort of saying goodbye to his mum and her control of him is<br />
lessened. my mom has sort of messed my life up by the fact of she is very controlling<br />
and sees another woman as a threat to her little boy .was he a mummys boy when you met him first maybe she always had a problem with you mother in laws oh my god...

i know, its a shame she cant mind her own business.

yes hes a mama's boy, she probably will always be a problem for me.

I could relate to so much you wrote. The fact that you were able to test him and catch him in his sick manipulation is brilliant. My situation was different but the type of person the same. These type of people do really destroy you, or try to. It really blows me away because prior to becoming involved things that he was doing never occurred to me to watch for or guard against. I still don't get what they feel they gain from it all. It just ends up with everyone being miserable, all the time. And I, like you, cannot live that way. If I'm gonna be miserable, might as well jump...Hahaha. Glad to read you met Mr. Right! I just got rid of Mr. Wrong. I hope it works out well for you. God bless!

thank you my friend, your so right! my to be husband picture is now in my album if you'd like to see him. i'm drooling!

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU!

Thanks for the kind words. And Hi! back. I is sad the way your huband made you feel. I sympify

thank you my friends, blessings to you!

you need to leave my husband has one last chance if he messes up again im off got my plan started already cos i know he will do it again you deserve to be happy and you are not i left with nothing once and felt much better but he gave me the im gonna change speech and has he shite this time next year i can see me being divorced

i totally understand, marriage doesn't work with a narcissist. its a shame my friend.

I'm sorry you met a very unhealthy man and suffered emotional abuse. I hope that you will heal from the wounds. It's awfull how some people treat others, with no regard for their feelings and spiritual well being and some case's physicall too. Instead of being kind and gentle and trying to lift one another up. I think George Harrison's "Isn't it a pity" pretty much sums it up.

thank you so much my friends!

I am sorry to hear that. I glad for you its over, life has to go on and you did the right thing.

Good that you are physically away from the person and the surroundings. It helps a lot. <br />
I was just wondering if it would be equally helpful to get away mentally also and enjoy the freedom of mind and soul! Why to discuss, write or think about something distasteful?<br />
I know it is easier said than done. But it would certainly give immense pleasure to know that you are gradually coming out of it and are able to detach yourself from the distasteful past. Come, discuss and think about something decent, pleasant and positive. <br />
Life is so beautiful! Feel it, live it and enjoy it.<br />
Do you know how many more will feel happy to see you happy? Give them a chance!!!

yes, i have my friend, it feels good!

I feel all your pain friend. I married a man over 13 years ago that is the same sort of jackass. It was all wonderful while we dated and were engaged but after our daughter was born a yearand a half later and all my savings was spent and I developed psoritic arthritis and had chronic pain from thw two car accidents I was in and couldn't work he turned into an overbearing jerk. As far as I'm concerned there is no marriage with people like this. Right now I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this loveless marriage. I just feel guilty because I know it will hurt my child. Any suggestions? I'm glad you had the courage to move on. God bless and keep you.

thank you my friend. children adapt quite well, being in a loveless marriage really isn't good for you and your child. i think it would be a blessing in the end my friend.

Wow my heart goes out to you God bless You and shower You with so many beautiful blessings ..

thank you my friend, i've been looking for a sign of a blessing...

You are very strong person for leaving him. Narcissists do lots of damage to relationships if you let him. You were right in leaving him, mothers in-law are horrible sometimes. I take it you never got along with the "other woman" in his life.<br />
<br />
I am going through the same problem. My wife's mother is narcissistic, she thinks only about her self and does not care about the problems she creates.<br />
Good luck to you.

Sorry to hear that my friend, thanks for your kind words!

No i can't stand her, never did like her, she gave me no reason to,.

As far as my ex is concerned i'm done, there is nothing about him that i want or need. I have no interest in being with a liar in denial. I have no use for people like himself. My hurt was over my giving heart, i gave to the wrong person. it will never happen again.

Any mother in her right mind would never attempt this, let alone think, much less expect it. A good mother would do her best to keep the marriage together, no matter how much she dislikes me for the sake of her son.! i would never do this to my daughter's husbands, not for a million bucks! my kids mean more to me than anything. If their husbands make them happy, i support them 100%!

Lmao! i asked him when the marriage is between him and his mother! i told him he got the woman he wanted, perhaps they'll have ****** and have babies together, who knows! lol

Wow an epiphany.

what is an epiphany my friend?

That you can see, speak and write the truth.
I am somewhat very alone not a soul around. This is when Satan, makes me doubt my choices. And feel worthless. But to be in relationships with any of these people well, their homicidal Rage, I cannot live with that.

You need to run fast and get the hell away from that sick mess. There's nothing there of value for you and staying anywhere near that will only damage you too. You can't save someone that is that far gone because they don't want to be saved. The only sensible thing to do is to do a zip code transplant and save yourself even more problems.

i already flew away my friend! i'm 50 miles away! thanks for your valid concern.

oh btw i used the wrong link.

again, THANK GOD you got away from those weirdos!