For 15 years my ex had convinced me that the problems were with me, that i had somehow destroyed everything due to my actions and choices. It drove me into isolation and despair. I began self loathing thinking i was less of a person and should die to give my family the favor they deserved. One night during a fight i tested the waters just to see which one of us really had a problem. I started it myself. Its very easy to enrage a narcissistic person , it took a matter of 3 minutes. I faked the whole thing, i made him think i was suffering because of him, with my back turned i seen his shadow leave the room.
I stopped crying and lit a cigarette, he returned confused and dazed- his expression of gratification and accomplishment turned into rage. I wasn't allowing him to hurt me, and he couldn't handle it. I accused him of wanting me to suffer because he was, or so i thought. It was all a game well at least it was for him. The years and months passed with the same pain day after day, the one thing i didn't know was that his mother was behind it all. I suspected it but couldn't prove it. Until she suddenly gave word that she was dying of cancer, given a short time to live. That's when the real side of him started coming out along with his addiction and obsession with his mother. I confess their relationship was rather odd, but it seemed to stupid to ponder. Until the day he pushed me out of his life saying he needed to care for his mother, I naturally figured she needed a few things to help her out and that he's return, it never happened. After putting everything together logically, i noticed a disturbing fact that still bothers me today.. his mother didn't have children to love, take care of and support, she had kids to serve her. My husband was the golden child whom she showered with praise, admiration and her son which she idolized. She gave him power of attorney, allowing him to put all of her assets in his name. Material things that had little meaning to a true believer of god. He believed her to be a goddess, heaven sent and perfect, her word was law and did everything he could to keep that illusion reality in his mind. He seen himself as a good nature d easy going loving person who would take the shirt off his back for anyone, in reality he was impossible, arrogant, egotistical liar that fed off my suffering for his selfish gain. He was incapable of love, and mimicked the expressions of love quite charmingly. The truth is now unfolding in his life, his mother never loved him he was an object she could dominate, killing his spirit,. He in return seen me as a possession he could manipulative any way he wanted, breaking me into pieces, with no conscience to speak of. His mother made sure that she took everything away from from him that mattered, the ultimate sacrifice for his mothers love.
She never died and is still alive, however she is 80 and when she passes he will be shocked to discover that with her passing, he has been left with absolutely nothing. His life is nothing and was given nothing by the god he calls mother.