Let Me Tell You Why Love Doesnt Exist

i have been nice to her, brought her stuff, made her laugh more than the boys that hurt her. she knows i can make her happier but she doesnt want me. im unlucky and i know that but i try not give up but i think i am going to give up on love. i see her almost everyday and i try to make her laugh, i purposly make jokes or excuses to touch her and it makes my day. i dont show her that im sensitive. and when i dont see her she doesnt chat to me and all i do is think about me being with her, holdinh her hands, making her smile but i know that will never happen. she doesnt care as much as i care aabout me as much as i do, text her and she doesnt reply or sometimes after a few hour. which means i am not on her mind. im a boy for heaven sake and i feel too much pain. im not even a weakling, without boasting i am really strong. so i can look after. i help her with her problems and she jokingly says we should go out, wow, but then she says she doesnt see me in that way. i protect her from pain, i give her advice, i care so much for her i tell her she should stay with a guy that she likes even though i 'love' her. the only thing i cae about is making sure she is happy. but i want her. but this is where i cant carry on, becuase i know she will never be a part of me so i will have to see her get hurt and help her stand up again. all my life i have felt like a stepping stone for my friends and family, i dont feel important, special to anyone. i know i dont, i dont get no love from my family or friends. i am the stepping stone. literally. no can bare the pain i feel everyday of my life. if you saw me you woudnlt belive it, i put a fake smile on everdy and cheer everyone up around me. i can give love, but i will never recieve it. thats a fact. i can give every person in a relatinship issue good advice, and they alwasys say your girlfrend will be lucky. but its a differnt stpry with me. i go out of my way to make people happy but never receive it. i love my family, i do everyting for them, and my friends. im too kind. but then i realsed i dont love anyone, i care about them. and they dont care abuot me. i thought what i was doing, thinking that one person every night, getting hot flushes for about 7 hours, leaving me with about 4 hours sleep, trying to ake them happy, making them smile, trying to get their attetion and telling that i care abiuot them IS love. but it aint is it, its caring about someone. love doesnt exist, i thought it did but the mening i thought meant that that person may love you back but haha no, im just a steppng stone, a shoulder to cry on and to be used as a prop. **** life, ive tried praying to god, i have read the bible, jesus doesnt even care, god doesnt care. i pray fpr the same thing every night. i dont have the power anymore, i give up on love. im gonna watch the world go by. and maybe my heart will be use to someone once i die, heck it might save someone. but i hope to god that knowone lives my life, everything i do i get bad luck, and pain. i though dreams will came true, my dreams are the only thing that makes me happy. its where things come true, i want to live in my dream so i dont live in this world. i hope the girl that i like becomes happy for the rest of her life, and hope the world become a better place when i go. i just drag it down, just an uneccersary bit of weight on it. peace to the world. i wish love existed.
dreamisheaven dreamisheaven
18-21
1 Response Dec 14, 2012

Move on. If doing that much doesn't move her, what's the point? Why torture yourself over people who never reciprocate? Why did you have to be an angel when you're human like everybody else? You deserve better.
I am certain you're more than just that, you're not an empty vessel since you care for others.
One day someone will care a lot for you too, the way you did for others.
Just gotta search longer, or wait for it to come which takes longer in my opinion.

good luck dreamisheaven, im someone who fell out of love many times. And im ain't a god believer, but i believe in love and it does exist.
All the best! Don't be a pushover!