When I first came to this site, I made a decision to tell the complete truth. It wasn't really a concious decision, but the anonymity with which I found myself blessed, encouraged a tendency to do here, what I can't do in my real life. I am aware that everyone has his/her own reason for being here, but I believe all are looking for something that is missing in the rest of our lives.....be that a creative outlet, close friendships, fun, or ,in some cases , extremely personal issues that we are having a hard time resolving. My most fervent wish..from the deepest part of my soul, is have an extremely honest, devastatingly intimate lover. If I am not honest, how is that ever to happen?? I could be with my ex bf right now..reveling in his love..if I was willing to be dishonest...but that does not get me what I want..it defeats the entire purpose. I have suffered many heartaches....and undoubtedly will suffer many more. But the one thing I am sure of, is that I will be as honest as I possibly can. I know that I am very intense...and that knowledge, added to my extreme introversion, makes it very difficult , indeed, to put my heart out there.....my intensity has driven off lovers before. But it is who I am. I need love in my life...I need intimacy...and above all , I need honesty.