I Feel Like I'm Going Insane...how Do You Get Over Infidelity?

I have been married for three years now.  I first discovered his lying a couple of years ago. He had been having an affair on line and was just about to meet her in a hotel when I found out and he decided he wasn't going to go through with it.  We've been to counseling, we've talked some about it.  He says he isn't doing anything anymore.  The problem is that there have been sooooo many lies.  He is also a very, very closed person.  Doesn't share feelings and all that very much.  I never in a million years would have thought he would do something like that...but there it is.  He did, he may still.  There have been other things but the point is that the trust was broken.  I am having a really difficult time getting through this.  His inability to talk to me about it only infuriates me.  I have turned into someone I don't even recognize anymore.  He says I'm insane or bi-polar.  I feel like I am.  I think I need to work through the anger, but find it really hard to do when I am the only one working for this marriage.  Or so it seems.  I think he may be giving me all he is capable of giving, I think he is truly doing his best.  I still explode over silly things, find that I am wondering almost constantly who he is talking to, or what he is doing.    I mean there is really no way of me knowing what he does or if he is telling the truth, he was very good at hiding his stuff.  EArasing everything, using  true cript , he often did it at work... but I made a choice to love him, I made a choice to stick to my vows.  Last night I blew again, I just felt like he was ignoring me.  All we had talked about had gone out the door.  It was pretty bad.  This morning he tore up the papers for the house we are trying to buy.  OUr future looks so bright and I have to go and blow it again.  I believe that this may be it and I'm not sure how to handle it.  This is my third marriage, his as well.  I don't want to give up, I don't know what to do.  He is stubborn and hurtful.  Shuts down completely to me.  The last time this happened he didn't try to contact me for a week.  Finally after my prodding and please to work it out he invited me back into our apartment.  Yeah, I was the one that left.  I have never felt like anything here has belonged to me...I know crazy of me.  I believe you have to look at yourself when these things happen and I am sure that I have added to this sad situation.  I also know that I deserve to feel loved and like I count.  His reaction to my pleas has always been that I am insane.  Now I wonder if maybe I am....?

Iflinsane Iflinsane
46-50, F
2 Responses Feb 10, 2010

Thank you...that actually does make me feel better. I don't know if he is willing to work with me on this or not. At this point I think he is done with my outbursts...I truly do not mean to do them. Sometimes they come from no where and for seemingly no reason. I hate myself when I do it, I guess I am trying to get him to reach out to me. Say he is sorry or something! I don't know. I'm praying like crazy that he will change his mind...

i dont think you are insane ...... it is very hard to get over hearing that your other half has sort of cheated on you , makes you think you not good enough for them. i have been there my hubby told my bestfriend he loved her , it killed me when i heard about it. i like you turned into a mad woman and said things so hurtful to him we had massive fights and took a long while to get back to normal. i gave uop my best friend of 11yrs so i could work on my marriage of 21 yrs . we are fine now but i still find it very hard to trust him am working on it tho as i love him very much. if you want to chat to him without screaming and going mad , go to a coffe shop and chat its nutural territory and often helps to get everything out normaly . i hve to say my hubby and i are much closer now and life is good and exciting. <br />
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i wish you guys all the luck and hopefully you can save what you have. but please do not think you are insane cos you not.