An Interesting Article About Emotionally Damaged Men
If you can overlook the less than perfect grammar, you will see that the author does possess some insight in this area. I disagree with her conclusion, however, that damaged men are responsible for (some) women's promiscuity. Anyway, a thought-provoking read ....
Damaged Men By: Erin Pembroke Oct. 10, 2010
Have you ever wondered why finding a good man is so difficult?
Have you ever thought that maybe it was you or wondered if you did something wrong? Have you ever wondered what on earth is happening to the dating world? This uncovers a major problem for young adults in the dating world. I have personally discovered over the past year that young men are emotionally not ready to date. There is something more deeper than the obvious reason that they are young and just want to have fun. The reason why young men are emotionally not ready to date is because they are damaged by the relationships that they have had with previous women.
These young men became so damaged that they feel that they need to get rid of the pain by sleeping around with various women. Instead of facing the pain, they run away from it. Unfortunately for them, they don't know that they are carrying this pain until they have to inevitably face it when they either find the right woman or when they get older and notice that all of their friends and all of the women are getting married. These young men pretend they do not have pain from their previous relationships and put on a front or a shell to mask their pain. In order to do this, they sleep with various women. They sleep with all these women, hoping to hide their pain and maximize their pleasure to override that pain. When they sleep with various women, they not only get the physical pleasure but the emotional pleasure as well. They use many women to boost their confidence, self-esteem and try to get rid of their insecurities.
However, they fail to realize that they cannot truly be happy until they face the emotional pain of the previous relationship in order to heal themselves. A problem arises when they do not heal. They become damaged goods. They view most women in a negative aspect. They act like women are inferior to them, easy to get into their pants, distrust women or blame women for all of their problems. The thing I am realizing is that these young men blame women for their problems but it is not women in general that they need to blame. It is simply that one woman has hurt them, therefore they generalize and assume that all women will hurt them.
They should not blame that one woman but should consider and realize that perhaps both the man and the woman are equally to blame in a relationship. If a woman has cheated, perhaps there are an emotional reason to and not the physical reason. Sometimes the one person is to blame but all I am saying is that the man should think deeply about what happened in the previous relationship and consider the possibility that both are to blame and not just the woman.
Another interesting aspect to look at is that some young men try to get a woman to like him but the minute she does and actually show obvious signs that she is getting emotionally attached to him, he leaves. This is ironic because the man may not want a relationship and knows it yet he wants the other girl to like him at the same time and when she does, he leaves because he sees and concentrates on her flaws or the flaw of her gettingemotionally attached to him. The ironic twist is that he does not realize that he is implating or creating the flaw in her; emotional attachment to him. Therefore, the problem is not the young woman but in the man all along. Perhaps, the flaw is the man and not the made up ones he created in these women. The young man needs to look inside himself and figure out what is the problem and how to heal himself. If he does not fix the pain, cope with himself and make amends, he will perhaps always stay bitter and have a negative view of women.
The young man also needs to think about the possibility of it being him and not all these women he keeps blaming. He may continue to date other women but will always inevitably come to the same end result; the woman did this or that or is this is or that. The woman is not right for him etc. Therefore, he is always blaming the woman and ending up alone with the same sad result. The young man needs to consider the possibility that he is blaming women too much for his emotional problems and insecurities. He needs to make peace within himself before he is able to date again. If a man is still horboring a grudge over his ex and talks about her in a negative aspect or simply talks about her a lot, then he is not ready to date.
Another interesting point that should be made is that young men are not that different from much oldermen. Both young men and much older men are not emotionally ready to date, have emotional baggage and have insecurities. The only difference is that a young man is emotionally damaged because of a previous relationship or by the woman in the previous relationship whereas the older man is emotionally damaged by a divorce or by his ex wife in the marriage. Now, if a young man is emotionally damaged and not emotionally ready to date and a much older man is also the same way, where and how would a woman that is emotionally ready to date find a decent man who is emotionally ready to date? That seems to be the real question that is hard to answer. You see, men in their 30s and 40s seem to be the best option to date expect for the fact that they are usually engaged or already have a wife where as a man in his 20s and after 50 is not emotionally ready to seriously date. So, where does that leave women?
Since men are sleeping around because they are not emotionally ready to date, then women are also forced to also sleep around. However, this is not fully in a woman's natural chacteristic to do this. Yes, a woman may sleep around but perhaps less often than a man and eventually she may want to settle down. The problem with this is that a man expects most if not all women to eventually be easily accessible and open to sex the first time they meet him. They figure if women are complaining that other women are spoiling it for them by having sex so soon, then those that don't have sex so quickly should learn to so that there is no more competition to have sex. When I heard this from a guy's mouth, I was utterly shocked, disappointed and disgusted. Why would a woman have to get rid of her self respect just to sleep with a lousy good for nothing “little boy?” I cannot even say he is a man because these types of men are not into being responsible for their actions and lack wisdom and knowledge.
The best statement to come out of all of this is that since a woman is not being forced to give up sex so soon because these men are not emotionally ready, they are being devalued. Since a woman is being devalued, men will not respect her or hold her in high regard and she will have a lower self-esteem, self-respect and dignity. A man will continue to use women in this sense to get what he wants but will never find the woman he wants to marry if all the women are being “pimped out” by these men who look for self-gratification and a boost in self-esteem. Sadly enough, a man is his own downfall including looking for a woman when the time comes when he is finally emotionall stable oremotionally ready to get married or have a serious relationship. He will never see that preservation of a decent woman needs to occur in order to get what he is emotionally looking for.
To conclude, young men (and much older men) are emotionally damaged and not ready to date, so they have many sexual relations with women in order to ignore their pain and boost their selfesteem. Without facing their emotional pain, they generally distrust and blame women for their problems and turn decent women into non-valuable sex toys and not into potential marriage mates for the future when they are actually ready to have a serious relationship. They must face the problem within themselves in order to move on and obtain happiness or else they and the rest of the young dating world are doomed.