I Will No Longer Date Anyone Who Is On the Rebound
Hi, yes, Im 40 years of age.
Four months ago I had my heart ripped out of my body (it sounds like im a drama queen, and yes, I am, but it literally felt like that).
I fell head-over-heels in love with someone who still had his heart in a previous relationship (6 years) as he'd only parted with her 2 1/2 months before we met at a mutual friends party.
At this party he told me nonchalantly that she was and still is the love of his life. Alarm bells but I hadnt a relationship for over 3 years and I liked him.
I discovered as we began dating that they communicated regularly, he wore her gift of a bangle all the time, kept pictures of her on his camera, drank his tea out of the cup she bought him, she was his best friend.
I also discovered, prior to her, he had a LOT of one-night stands (and some other not very nice traits too), but that was neither here nor there.
I tried to let these things go over my head because he said they were more like brother and sister and had a sexless relationship for 18 months and also because I believed i had found someone who was everything i wanted in a man, aesthetically, tall, deep voice, great body, bad boy. all the things i shyed away from as a youngster as i had only ever been with two men (my ex husband and this man).
He would tell me I was amazing, beautiful and that he wanted kids with me and i would make a great mother.
Look, I wasnt perfect, suffering from anxiety and calling a lot and my life revolved around but that did eventually die down however.
I think he was quite a selfish man. He dumped me before he went to Oz the first time and then came back and said we were just on a break and it didnt matter if i had gone with someone else (I hadnt, I was devestated when he went, last thing on my mind).
Anyway, we rekindled the relationship, main reason for him was the sex (which in hindsight should have been another warning sign).
During this time he went and STAYED at his exes with her parents after we got back together -it was basically, like it or lump it, but in a nice way (bear in mind his ex is an alcoholic and he was brought up in that evironment too and the reason they split was because she got him beaten up).
We split after 7 months. I know, 7 months, not very long but it was enough for me. I gave my heart and my trust to him. I dont sleep around and I dont go with men willy-nilly so for me, if I go with someone, he has to be someone I fall for.
When we split, I didnt know how to get him back so I took some paracetamol with booze, sent him 150 texts full of rage that I had kept hidden when we were together, and a few other things im not proud of as well as contacting his ex.
I acted like a hurt 16 year old and im cringing in hindsight. The trouble is now, I still cant get over this. I am in therapy and I am on anti-depressants as I have suffered some things in my past but aside from this I cant believe I will ever get over this man and this pain.
Im told he is back with her now and he told me that he already had moved on a few weeks before we broke up and his lovely way of doing it....pulling away from intimacy - the one thing that he said kept us together.
Four months ago I had my heart ripped out of my body (it sounds like im a drama queen, and yes, I am, but it literally felt like that).
I fell head-over-heels in love with someone who still had his heart in a previous relationship (6 years) as he'd only parted with her 2 1/2 months before we met at a mutual friends party.
At this party he told me nonchalantly that she was and still is the love of his life. Alarm bells but I hadnt a relationship for over 3 years and I liked him.
I discovered as we began dating that they communicated regularly, he wore her gift of a bangle all the time, kept pictures of her on his camera, drank his tea out of the cup she bought him, she was his best friend.
I also discovered, prior to her, he had a LOT of one-night stands (and some other not very nice traits too), but that was neither here nor there.
I tried to let these things go over my head because he said they were more like brother and sister and had a sexless relationship for 18 months and also because I believed i had found someone who was everything i wanted in a man, aesthetically, tall, deep voice, great body, bad boy. all the things i shyed away from as a youngster as i had only ever been with two men (my ex husband and this man).
He would tell me I was amazing, beautiful and that he wanted kids with me and i would make a great mother.
Look, I wasnt perfect, suffering from anxiety and calling a lot and my life revolved around but that did eventually die down however.
I think he was quite a selfish man. He dumped me before he went to Oz the first time and then came back and said we were just on a break and it didnt matter if i had gone with someone else (I hadnt, I was devestated when he went, last thing on my mind).
Anyway, we rekindled the relationship, main reason for him was the sex (which in hindsight should have been another warning sign).
During this time he went and STAYED at his exes with her parents after we got back together -it was basically, like it or lump it, but in a nice way (bear in mind his ex is an alcoholic and he was brought up in that evironment too and the reason they split was because she got him beaten up).
We split after 7 months. I know, 7 months, not very long but it was enough for me. I gave my heart and my trust to him. I dont sleep around and I dont go with men willy-nilly so for me, if I go with someone, he has to be someone I fall for.
When we split, I didnt know how to get him back so I took some paracetamol with booze, sent him 150 texts full of rage that I had kept hidden when we were together, and a few other things im not proud of as well as contacting his ex.
I acted like a hurt 16 year old and im cringing in hindsight. The trouble is now, I still cant get over this. I am in therapy and I am on anti-depressants as I have suffered some things in my past but aside from this I cant believe I will ever get over this man and this pain.
Im told he is back with her now and he told me that he already had moved on a few weeks before we broke up and his lovely way of doing it....pulling away from intimacy - the one thing that he said kept us together.
By:
nayia
Age:
36-40
,
Female
