I Dont Understand Relationship Hopping

LMAO....and so goodbye to drama!

nothing against lesbians just thought it was funny how she said I AM A LESBIAN when had nothing to do with the story I guess I was amused thats all.

No harm done, wasnt tryin to anyways.

lmao brains. TFF

Ok. She was a tad annoying with her sense of self-superiority while giving less than goodly advice. But this is just getting hurtful.



Lesbians need love, too. It's just a shame they can't get it from me :P.

I wonder why the drama queen deleted her comments?

ennuye~ YO MAMA is a lesbian....



lol, I thought it was kinda funny that you posted "IM A LESBIAN" in your comment when it had nothing to do with the STORY...



LMFAO

Well if I hear about someone performing genocide, I don't really care about their viewpoint. And I only said she sounds like a terrible person. But it's all heresay.

terrible person- hard to judge someone you have never spoken with or at least gotten their viewpoint- do u think or...

No offense rinnis, but your friend sounds like a terrible person. She gets into relationships with men and then intentionally ends them later, so she can go do it again?

i agree that a person should wait before they jump into the next relationship. i used to always just jump so that i wouldn't feel bad- temporary band-aids except that i never really learned to lean totally on my own without a man for emotional, monetary ... i don't think anyway can dictate how someone else should feel or do and in general i don't think must people on this site do that... just saying...

Ha? Why are a few on here talking things to personal? Yup i'm talking to Ennuye and Queen. This has nothing to do with anyone else but me! You are all entitled to your opinions. I posted this ABOUT ME because I dont want anyone to get hurt and this is what I get from you both?



Queen......you are clearly telling ennuye and I two different things. I have deleted you.



Ennuye.... I have to agree with Yankee that having a degree has nothing to do with this post and just makes you sound haughty as you have in many of your other posts.



I dont have time for these childess games. Nor am I well enough to even deal with them.

Ennuye..I said it once and I'll say it again...once more.You came here to comment on Kindal's post with your feelings and your opinion.I did the same...not intending to offend anyone and not to judge anyone.I just didn't see that one being a counselor had anything to do with what was written in the post.I take no offense to you wanting to be a counselor...if that's what you want to do...that's great...I just have no use for them.I never said....you as a person!



I'm glad that you have appreciated feedback from my comments and I hope there have been times that it's helped but you need not to feel like you have to try and appease me.



As for unpleasant encounters with counselors...no...I had none of those....I just think there are better ways to deal with lifes issues.Again...my opinion and my feelings.

All I can say is from my experience. I waited a year and a half after my break-up before I got involved with Mary. A YEAR AND A HALF.. people!!! Of course I slept/dated different women in that year in a half... but I didn't get involved in anything serious for that long of a time.. and look what happened! Mary and I broke up.... even though I waited A YEAR and a half before I got involved with her!! (this is a comment for the people that already know my situation)



Mary and I broke up right before Thanksgiving... But the learning process didn't just start after the breakup ended..

I was learning my lesson all through out the relationship. And I can tell you for damn sure that I'm NOT going to wait no six months- or a year like I did last time to get involved again. If someone comes my way in the next month that I want to start a relationship with.. I will. The speed we take our relationship.. will be at the speed that feels comfortable to us BOTH. If I'm moving too slow for someone.. then they can always opt out.



I won't deprive myself of a womans company.. because I just got out of a breakup. I've been alone enough in my life... I'm not going to let THAT failed relationship stop me from finding someone worth my time. I will get to know new women.. I will date around..



I'm going to "try" not to make the same mistakes... Usually, in relationships we KNOW better at the time we are making the mistake.. but proceed anyways. Taking time doesn't prevent you from making the same mistakes. I knew from the beginning that I shouldn't of got involved in a long-distance relationship.. Even though I had learned that lesson before.. I still proceeded.. why? Because LOVE will make you take the same chance over and over again.. Hoping that THIS time it'll be different.



I don't plan on getting into another long-distance relationship. I want to go on many dates and get to know someone better before I get heavily involved.



This whole waiting 6 months concept... I'm not buying into.. After being alone and waiting for a year and half before... I see that the element of time you take really doesn't matter. You can analyze your failed relationship until the cows come home..



You can't prevent some things in relationships from happening. Things change people change.. and NO matter how long you take to heal and disect your breakup doesnt mean it's not going to happen again..



For me, I know what mistakes I made, do I plan on making them in my next relationship? Of course not. That is why I have turned down MANY online relationships. Because I refuse to get involved with someone whom I can't have/get to know in the flesh.



Will I get to know women online? HELL YES. Will something ever come out of it? Who knows.. But I won't limit myself to getting to know only ONE woman. I plan to get to know as many women as possible.. That's not relationship hoping. That's moving on. I don't need to isolate myself for 6 months.. before I start talking to women again. lol that's just CRAZY.



So basically, I agree with a lot of what Ennuye has said. We know ourselves and our heart.. We know when we are ready to put ourselves back out there. There is nothing wrong with cultivating new FRIENDSHIPS.. after a breakup. Actually, I think it is beneficial to the moving on process. I refuse to be hung up over this breakup for 6months. I'm not closing myself off that way.. Because something really good might pass me by.



I DON'T relationship hop... NEVER have, NEVER will. But I don't feel like I need 6 months to heal and learn my lessons. My lessons have already been learned.. and 20 years down the road I'm sure I'll still be learning the same lessons.



Just like you said in your "I let my gaurd down" story, Kindal.. "I'll never learn" Do we ever really learn? We just follow our hearts.. some lessons will repeat like a broken record.. Does it make us stupid? Does it mean we haven't learned from our past? NO... it's just all in the risk we take on love.



I can honestly say 6 months from now.. even 4-5 years now I'll still be learning from past relationships. But does that mean I have to stay out of them? You can't learn anything by isolating yourself and staying single.. Trying to figure it ALL out.. Cause your just NEVER gonna figure it all out. Wait 10 years after a relationship.. Your still not gonna figure it all out.



You are not promised tomorrow, like Ennuye said..Why stay deprived? LIFE + LOVE= MISTAKES. You'll always make them, new ones and old ones, NO matter how much time you take to heal and get over someone

I agree. In my teen days I had a tend. to rush to someone else to cover the pain, only to run from the fuel, straight to the fire. Live and learn is exactly what I did and never did it again from my experiences!

Neveah...I've done it too hon and thats why I posted that because I have learned to take a moment and not rush things. I think the biggest fear for me though is hurting someone else.

I've been through a few relationship hops but when I was really young and thats what kids do live and learn thats for sure!!!!

I'm harmless.....

I worked with clients that were mentally crazy, they'd punch me while drivin, it was a mess.

Funny now because I think back, and no more have to think ono I gtta go to work and get the **** beat outta me...

lol

ennuye..



Since I dont know if this question was directed to me specifically or not (but maybe it was since you are responding to my original post) I will go ahead and answer it incase it was.



You asked the question; Is there a law that says a person can't cultivate new friendships after they break up with someone?



Did I say anything about NOT cultivating new friendships in my original post?



Friendships are wonderful and I welcome them.



I think there are many different situations where what you said and I said both can be applied. I think it all depends on what is going on in the persons life at the time. Sometimes we just dont know whats going on behind the scenes.



This is my experience and I was only speaking for me personally and everyone else is entitled to their opinion and way of going about their business.



I'm sorry you feel like this is pick on Ennuye night/day and I regret this thread has caused one to feel that way.



Hugs and goodness to all who posted here

a counselor talkin about her clients....

:0

Lol...I came here and made my comment just as you did and your the one who became defensive...not me.You had no reason to be offended...as I wrote(not you as a person).



Don't be sorry...I myself find that being with those who have walked in my shoes have been so much more helpful than a counselor ever could.I know many people who feel the same way but that's not the point here.As you say...some can't even fix their own lives...I see no use in them trying to fix mine or anyone else's.



Now you can be offended by this comment or you can take it for what it is...my feelings and my opinion.



Take care!

Ennuye...I wasn't trying to attack you...I just don't think counseling has anything to do with it.I don't mean you as a person but to me counselors and their degrees mean nothing to me...from past experience.

I think we learn more from our own experiences and mistakes.

I agree Kindal...I think everyone needs to take time to heal otherwise any new relationship could be rebound and most likely will not last either.



I also don't think it matters what kind of counseling degree one has...everyone is different and has to live and learn to know what is best for themselves.

Ennuye, the point is that you are asking your new friend not to have unrealistic expectations. If you were very close to someone, getting into a new relationship right away exactly like the old one would not be a good idea.



You are telling your new friend that you are just friends, and that's what I'm telling Kindal. Don't give your heart away (in your situation this would be going steady and having sex with your new friend) unless you know it is going to work out. He doesn't communicate with you? You should have noticed this before you got so close. He has different goals, priorities, or values? Same deal.



Romantic love is addictive, and losing that feeling can make people want to regain their former happiness in less than intelligent ways. Relationships should be thought out ahead of time, if they are expected to work, that is. I don't see what all this business about learning means. It just sounds like indecisiveness. People, like you said, know who they are for the most part. And they need to accept that and make rational decisions based on that knowledge.

I agree. No need to jump back into another relationship without analyzing what went wrong in the previous one.

That is what that time is for. Otherwise you will be making the same mistakes over and over , and yet hoping for a different outcome, and that is basically how some have defined insanity.

So take your time to be stronger, wiser and more assertive next time around.

The general concept is valid, but what if you have no idea what you did wrong, or even IF you did anything wrong? How long does one stay miserable and alone?

Or just don't get attached to someone who is going to bail on you. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone forgives. Do not be shelled up, but be slow to let someone fully into your heart. Not many people are good people, and that should be determined BEFORE you set yourself up for heartbreak.

Everyone is different and heal in different ways... but I tend to agree with you. What's the point if you can't learn from your experiences?