Being Sorry Doesn't Make Me A Better Person, But Being Myself Will

This one is a bit tricky for me.  See, I know for a fact that I am not perfect, that I am, in fact, liable to make mistakes.  And I want to nip 'em in the bud so fast that I'll as likely jump the gun to say "I'm sorry," when an apology may be overdoing it.  Was a time in my life when it felt like so many things went wrong that I did apologize for just about everything, whether or not I was at fault, or if I even had anything to do with an event.  People can get used to feeling they're always in the wrong, and feel the best kindness they can offer is to apologize for everything, no matter how small or insignificant the detail.

I'm usually not so hard on myself any more.  When things do start going wrong, though, it tends to magnify every other little thing I'm discontent about and would like to fix.  And then I begin the pattern of saying "I'm sorry" too much, when it's unnecessary or even inappropriate to do so.  When I'm sad and want to pick myself up I'll use an apology as a way to bolster myself, by trying to do "the right thing," and make some amends.  It's a nasty little pattern I get myself into sometimes.

Really, though -- and I have to keep this in mind -- there is nothing wrong with who I am.  I often don't think I'm good or worthy enough, but -- and I know this sounds smug -- I'm really not that bad.  What's more important is to be who I am and not be concerned about what others may think, because one or two years down the road it's so unlikely to make any difference at all.  I am a worthwhile person, despite the flaws or drawbacks I carry with me (and which I can and have used as ways to improve myself).  There's no reason to be sorry about any of that.
UnderEli UnderEli
46-50, M
Aug 14, 2010