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Feeling Inspired, Living Loving Learning

Feeling inspired and motivated is a lot easier than one might think. I had to physically remove myself from a volatile relationship in order for me to see clearly. I continued to be miserable living with someone whose instability was making me unstable. But I broke the cycle. I got out, it's been two weeks and I feel like an exploding ray of light.

My sleep is better, I'm way less stressed, no more anxiety or panic attacks, and I just feel good. I'm learning things about myself. I recently learned that I absolutely adore laughing. Of course, that seems rational, who doesn't like laughing, right? But I really really LOVE to laugh. It's wonderful. It's fantastic. It's exhilarating.

Before, I was absolutely miserable and I had this heavy burden of guilt, depression, anger and sadness constantly weighing me down. Now that he's gone (thank God), I feel as light as a feather on a cool summer day blowing peacefully in the wind.

I'm on cloud 9. And I feel so accomplished and proud of myself. This is all self motivated.

I got past the fear of being without him, which looking back, it's like 'Why didn't I do this sooner?', you know? Why would I continue to torture myself by being with someone who doesn't truly and deeply love me?

We all deserve to love and be loved. Everyone. I used to always say 'I just want to be happy'. I didn't care who made me happy, why or what I was doing, I literally just wanted to be happy. Seems simple enough. Now, I actually am and it's because I made a conscious decision to 'cut the ****', move on, and go boldly where I had never been before. Alone.

I'm reading a lot more now too. I'm going to events. I'm exploring my little ecosystem in Boston. I will be attending a play next weekend where there are only 25 people at each showing, in a tiny hotel room, 'Green Eyes'.

I'm loving life and I don't want this feeling to go away. I will be selfish and I will enjoy life. I will love and be loved. Today is a good day.

I leave you with this: 'Do not focus the mind on the past or the future. Concentrate on the present moment', -Buddha. Easier said than done, I know. BUT seriously, try it. It actually works so well. When your mind starts to wander and dwell, force yourself to focus on little moments, on the task at hand, and you can do ANYTHING.
avprobeauty avprobeauty 22-25, F Feb 10, 2012

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