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I've Learnt My Lesson

So an ex came into my life recently and wanted to get back together. And I'm grateful he did.

I remember once after one of my breakups a married friend (a wonderful guy who truly adores his wife - he is the dream we aim for) told me that I should see these guys in lessons on what I don't want so that when the guy I do want comes around I'll recognise him coz he won't have the **** qualities I've already eliminated.

So yes I'm glad this ex came back. He reminded me of a quality of his (and some of my other exes) that I cannot live with. He expects me to be little mis meek and mild. I'm only supposed to say the things he wants to hear and I must ignore the things he does wrong. I have opinions OK! And I will voice them.

He's also reminded me that too many times I have let a man affect my view of myself. I let them let me feel worthless and unwanted when really they are losing out.

I know I can be a bit much to handle sometimes. I'm highly opinionated. I have a lot of male friends (jealous boyfriends have tried to isolate me from them). I am friendly, so sorry if you interpret that as flirting (jealous boyfriends who even tried to isolate me from girls). I'm good at a lot of things and finally not shy to admit it. I'm intelligent and I can prove it, but I have no need to. I'm pretty when I comb my hair.

But that's me. And if a guy can't handle who I am it's his problem. Never again will I quiet down so he feels manlier, smarter, whatever! Never again will I spend hours, days, minutes crying over another man that didn't deserve me.

it's like that saying that no man is worth crying over and the one that is will never make you cry.

I will wait for the man that accepts me as I am. And if he never comes that's ok too... Because guess what. I like me. It's taken a long time but I do. And while there are things I want to change, these are all things for me to be a stronger, better, happier me.

But I'm lucky, it's enough for me to like me but I also have friends who accept me as I am. So thank you to those friends in "real" life and on EP for helping me become ok with myself. And helping me realise that change is good but it needs to be for me, not to keep some man happy

Wow but I can write a lot of nonsense!

annathom annathom 26-30, F 2 Responses May 22, 2008

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I have had similar experiences with women; I have kicked myself numerous times for getting back with a woman I had broke up with or divorced. All appears very l lovely and fine for a short period, they seem to have changed, and then when they remove the packaging, the person of the pass appears. I have wasted numerous days of my life that I can never regain thinking it was another try. Just because one is attracted to someone and may even love him or her does not mean you can live with him or her in happiness. <br />
I contend that we all have our unique personalities. We may change our goals, but not who we really are. So we need to be more realistic when we are dating, and make ever effort possible to not over sell our selves or buy into everything the other person says. Very effort must be met to be our true selfs, so we do not harm each other. Oten the pretty package, is full of heartache. <br />
Guess that is why living together is no all bad, before making a major commitment. <br />
I believe you will find the man you desire, because many men are like me and like a intelligent woman that we can communicate and grow with. Dumb women are boring and does not improve my own thinking and view on things. I need someone that often has a different view so I can analyze my own position, to strengthen it, or modify it or discard it. In some cases that we do not see eye-to-eye, there is no need to continue to make our case to the point we become anger with each other, we just agree to disagree, respecting the opinion of the other.

*smiles*<br />
Good on you, sister!