Damn, I'm A Sex Goddess!

I don't know about the women who formed and contribute to this group. Waddya expect . . .  guys from the Oxford Debating Club or a professional athlete? In fact, what are your expectations? Witty and provocative talk? Talk is cheap. Deep down you all love the attention and, you know what they say, with the lights out  . . . every guy is an Adonis (!). It's the thrill you're all after and, truthfully, your inner **** emerges with the lights out.

Why, I'm admired, loved and lusted after every single day on EP. Many, many times. I got pinged by 17 energetic, potential suitors just yesterday. They're not quite for me but, gee whiz, they thought of me and thought highly enough to reach out and ask for my EP "friend" hand. Come to think of it, just how much did they actually think of me? That much!!??

Doesn't matter that I posted an avi showing a standing, slouching side-view, hair covering my entire face except for glasses, a $20 wardrobe that includes stinky WalMart $3 flipflops. My fans keep coming and coming. They do.

Hell, they know or sense when they are in the presence of Aphrodite on earth and seek to quench unquenchable lust. . .  a fire that just can't be extinguished.

Each week I wipe clean my Whiteboard. Frankly, I don't want my long-time EP friends to read what has been written. I simply don't want to share with them the folks who want to skype, cam, trade pics, see pics of their wives, and plunder my body. And why do the majority of them want to "eat ***** for hours?" Unshowered, no deodorant, and after three sets of tennis in the Florida heat after a slice of cold jalapeno pizza (with zesty tzatziki) for breakfast?

As with all, I test their worthiness. It's a 10-second glance which, after all, from an online Goddess, is a gift meant to last a lifetime. Like Solomon, I have the power to make or break lives and dreams.

I look at their home page experiences:  

From my latest charmer:  "I want to **** HotWife" (mmmm, jealousy starting to simmer); "I think EP needs a chatroom";  "I want friends who cam naked on Yahoo"; "I love large labia" (how would I know that . . .  is there a published standard . . . they do kinda stretch); "I love Skype Sex"; "I love to show women my penis"; "I love nude sunbathing"; "I like to jerk off in front of women."  

Well, honey, you failed. If you can't stay faithful to me, you're relegated to Fan Club City, which is not a bad place.

Sometimes I open the door and toss in my tennis panties.
HootieBootieInLuv HootieBootieInLuv 26-30, F 53 Responses Jan 25, 2012

Your Response


I love to tell guys about how amusing they are when they talk their self righteous religious or conservative family values to my stinking libtard self while I find all about their wifes large ladia or how they enjoy flashing females in public. And it's pathetic how guys will read females story of erotica and know nothing about them otherwise but simply will beg them "Oh please add me"
I have my partner and she's real so I have little need for
make believe sex. .

Amen sister too too many of these women have the mistaken belief that they are God's gift to men and way too far above us to give any respect. I love this group because is gives guys a great insight into what creatures to BLOCK

personally, I have never really understood the whole cyber/skype/tincanwithstring sex thing. I mean really, isn't it always better to leave things to your imagination? And as far as the eating ***** for hours part? I can remember in my younger days perfecting the skill (at least I thought so) but for hours? The whole session yes....the licking? that little flap of skin under my tongue couldn't take it.

So agree GT. Alas there are men-a-plenty here in EP- cyberland who prolly were raised with a clothes pin on their penis while being read fire and brimstone by their mothers, who just don't quite get it. Truly, I don't understand why the idiots haven't figgered out that the path to first base is simply a bit of wit, charm, humor, a dash of similarity and a two-sentence introduction that doesn't include an underwear bulge. Then and only then will I gladly train him as to when is enough.

but.....if they have a clothes pin on their penis wouldn't that be likely to cause an underwear bulge? I mean...jeez....give the poor guys a break...

All for underwear bulges Mr. Tree (sans clothes pins), but as a surprise I find out myself.

This is a great thread, glad I found it. Being polite especially to women is a must

Now then, you hottie, I'll give you £3.50 for those sexy fips flops (i'm sure i've got some 'friends' who'll buy them off me, to sniff obviously.) And you know I say that only to you, '*****'. Yours faithfully, love and kisses, from 'katiesflipflopskindofmakemecome'

Love, we'll work out a trade or get into the business together. We'll make a mint.

Ok, so when you gonna add me "the God of the pervs"?

I can't believe I never read this before! This is EPIC!<br />
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Well done Katie. Well done indeed!

You Penn (and your devil's tongue) have reserved VIP center-court seats. As usual. Free snacks too.

Cupcakeman, you are clearly out of your league. On my best day, I am not a fraction as sexy as Kathryn, even if I do have the third-finest tush in MY zip code. She is an amazing combination of erotic appeal, saucy wit and naughtiness. I'm not a lesbian, but ..... Well, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!! Where was I ? Oh, yeah, she's the sexy supastah of EP and I wish I was half as cool. Or hot. Whatevah!

Thank you for the kind words Sarah Honey. And I'll vouch (with bites and kisses) for LA's finest tush. Different for girls.

So when this "Sex Goddess" is gonna add me? I see no sexy pics that prove her divinity here.<br />
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I want to see if she can even match with my sexiness.

Not good to ever brag CupcakeMan. While I appreciate the candid shower shot you sent me, my fiance and EP lover have, I believe, significant advantages besides the obvious.

I respect your loyalty ;)

**yawn**<br />
<br />
and so what? <br />
<br />
I am a Sex God ;)

I've always thought of this site as being like a cross between group therapy and The Jerry Springer Show.

Agree, LP, or, perhaps, just a cross section of humanity. Hell, in the name of good times . . .!

Which would mean that a cross section of humanity resembles a combination of group therapy and the Jerry Springer show. Let the good times roll!!!!

hahaha Way to go! This is great!

Oh my, Frederic Leighton.

Oh yes. You like him too? I love his work.

i like what you are ,

You are absolutely hysterical. Cheers!

You're Sex Goddess and funny too!

I want to eat you for hours and ours while I jerk off in front of you PLEASE?<br />
Was that proper EP form? ;-)

You didn't say "Pretty Please."

Man I knew I'd forget something important!

I love reading rants like this - priceless... Now, perhaps I should go and cull my groups list somewhat...

All in fun.

Maybe - but I must admit, I'm questioning the validity of my behaviour, in that being locked in Fan Club City, waiting excitedly for you to throw your panties into the drooling melee... Not such an appetising image... ;-p

Hilarious yet sad that this is a true story lol

Attention all ye Goddesses; Walmart dropped their flip-flop price to $1.99 in order to compete with Target. So stock up now on this standard and sexy Goddess attire.

A true sex goddess is a rare and wonderful thing.

After this post, the least I could do was invite you as a hottie don't have to put to the red light....kkkkaaaattthryn.

You don't have to sell your body to the night

What a great read! Enjoyed it!

Very witty xx

Well, I am both perv, poet and romantic. <br />
IvoryTapestry knows this best ;) Ask her.<br />
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<br />
I admit that i just use EP for perv fun.<br />
<br />
As for making new friends and getting dates i use okcupid <br />
<br />
For keeping in touch with friends i use facebook.<br />
<br />
For sharing thoughts I use regular forums.<br />
<br />
I won't claim that i am "loyal" to any girl here, I am not in a relationship with anyone here but when I flirt a girl i do flirt a quality i genuinely find attractive.<br />
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And yes, I did get sex cam advances and nude pics exchanges here and through emails/skype but nothing was very serious, it was just for pure extra fun.

Just reportin' the news Cupcake. Not being critical at all; hopefully a bit humorous. You certainly write fairly well which just put you at the head of the "Perv" line.

yay!! I am the god of the pervs! :P

Great story. You are a literate goddess!

Another sexy smartass JAP. We need to form a club to break hearts and zippers across EP!

Mmmmmm. I don't think so sweetie :)))

With writing like this, I'd be your fan even if you weren't shmexy!<br /><br />
(Mmmm. Tennis panties...)

I'm only shmexy on days that end in "ay."

ha ha ha. True.

I didn't have the attention span to read your story or any of the comments on it, but add me so I can jerk off to your pics. Thanks.

Wild O, you already have all of my pictures my lust and love. Do your best. I look forward to it. As always.

It always works. You women are so easily manipulated. I'm off to my next conquest.

Kathryn, I can understand your annoyance here as I too find the audiences I address daily utterly bereft of imagination, the joy of conversation, and humor. It is disillusioning. Challenges our faith in humanity, and isolates you as if YOU are the weirdo for not being so low-minded! <br />
I am not going to sit here and claim to be a saint. Yes there are times when I have found a lady has gotten my heart fluttering, or my creative juices flowing, or even made my imagination come to life with the natural beauty of the female form, but to see men viewing women as the source of the "salvation" of a bankrupt soul, diminishes diminishes all men. <br />
I wish I could offer advice to you, but I haven't solved it myself. Nothing is sacred at present, it seems.

Game set and match to te KT grrrrll AB