Boredom Vs. Fulfillment

I am a very administrative person.  But I also rely heavily on my creative side.  If I'm not doing something creative on a regular basis, then I'm bored.  But I didn't always know that.  I went to college to explore my interest in audio recording and I LOVED it!  I enjoyed being around music and film technology and creativity.  My major let me be both creative and organized at the same time.  It was the best of both worlds.  

But when I graduated, I didn't know which direction to go in.  Do I go to LA for film and music? Do I go someplace else for just music?  I thought I wanted to be a recording engineer, but I got scared.  I didn't know how to go about getting a job.  I knew people I had graduated with that would be more competent and confident than me and would get any job I would apply for if we were against each other during the hiring process.  So I never applied anywhere.  

After 3 months of being without a job, I began to panic.  Survival mode kicked in and I began to scrounge for a job.  ANY job.  A year later, I had had three part time seasonal jobs, but nothing full time and certainly nothing even CLOSELY related to what I had gotten my degree in.  Finally, at the end of that year I got a full time job with job security.  It was a relief to have something regular that would let me pay my bills.  So much so that I didn't even realize that I wasn't pursuing my dreams, and that I didn't have a creative outlet with this job.  

Two years later, I was BURNT. OUT!  I needed to get out of there.  So I quit and moved to another big city.  Again, I struggled to get a decent job.  I tried to do something different besides customer service and admin, but had no idea what direction I wanted to go in.  So...I was forced to get a job guessed it!  Customer service and admin.  It was for a college who had a wide range of entertainment media majors.  So I thought, "I'll be around creativity, so maybe that'll be enough.  

It wasn't.

Six months later I was burnt out AGAIN.  I was having health issues like migraines and anxiety that were keeping me from going to work.  But in truth, the job really wasn't that hard yet I found it to be impossible!  I physically couldn't be on the phone or sit at my desk anymore.  That's when I began to take a look at who I am and what makes me happy and started making the change.

Since I had so much time on my hands while I was at home sick most of the time, I began to remind myself of who I was, what made me happy and what DIDN'T make me happy.  While at this job, I slowly began to realize that I appreciated my recording background, but no longer wanted to pursue that path.  What really interested me and reinvigorated me was film entertainment.  Whenever I was in the film department I found myself jealous of all these kids (who where only a few years younger) for already knowing what they wanted to pursue and in fact pursuing it.

So, I decided to quit.  I did't really have a plan further than that at the time, but I knew I couldn't keep putting myself through such physical and mental anguish.  I've now committed to moving to Hollywood to follow my "new" dream of becoming a film editor. A job that will allow me to be strongly administrative as well as creative again.  I've committed to work towards the goal of one day burning my administrative pants (and no, that's not figuratively).  

I am pursuing my dream job and I will NOT quit until I've attained it.

forcequit forcequit
26-30, F
Feb 24, 2010