my body cant take much more purging. so i starve. because there is no way i can start to eat. if i cant throw up everything i eat i have to just not eat.
i think im getting ill. not just showing signs of an eating disorder. not just having the constant thoughts. but acting on them. i feel the need to purge 10kcal worth of stock. 56kcal worth of weight watchers soup.
i dont know where or when this will end, but it can't end yet. it just cant. i need it.
so i will starve. talking to my doctor this week she asked if i would rather live fat or die thin.
id rather be thin.....
i dont know whats wrong with me. im being a ******* idiot.
Get your questions answered!
Posted by chickita on Dec 19th, 2008 at 5:08PM
Yep.....please help yourself...i don't want to go into the health risks your inflicting on yourself but you do understand that when you become extremely underweight your period stops [i.e. you wont be able to have kids] also you create a hormonal imbalance that leads to unwanted facial hair...your skin becomes disgusting and you'll look a mess...so yeah you'll be thin but probably really ugly. Im just being honest, i have friends like you and it doesn't end well.
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Posted by Tesse on Dec 19th, 2008 at 8:30PM
i know. i know it all. thats the worst bit. i know it and i dont care.
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Posted by PeaceOnEarth on Dec 19th, 2008 at 11:14PM
How about this.
Don't stop "cold turkey".
When you wake up in the morning decide how many times you will purge.
This gives you the power over your life and you can decide to keep one bit of broth down on that day.
Try doing this every morning.
One of these days you might decide to eat lightly a couple of times and not purge that day.
Baby steps.
You can do it.
HUGZ
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