The Tears Behind The Smile.

So I'm really new to this. I don't really know how to start something like this. I could just tell you that I hate myself. Which I do, a lot. I have always been a happy person. I have a fantastic girlfriend who I want to marry. I love her so much but I seek ways to screw it up. I don't know why she's even still with me. I getso angry at myself all the time. I dot know what to do.