My Experiences Will Guide Me.To list all the bad experiences ive had with my mother would seem petty, and to be honest a lot of my experiences would be hard to put down into words without making myself sound selfish, so ill skip over that.
What i will say though. is she was not a good parent, she was selfish...not in an obvious way but it was all the little things.. the things that wouldnt seem too important.. but add them all up and it paints a picture of who she is as a person and as a parent.
I wasnt abused or anything so extreme, but i also dont have a single good memory of her or of us, not one.
We grew up poor, but i see that as a positive rather than a negative. It taught me the value of money, which is to say it has no real value at all, its simply a means to live but not to be happy.
My childhood was hell.. not because of a lack of wealth but more because of a lack of love. There was no compassion, just constant reminders that i was a burden to her, that i should be grateful i have a roof over my head and i was selfish to expect more.
Ive never given children much serious thought, i guess i still dont, they seem so very far away.. thats assuming it ever happens at all, but if it does happen.. if i ever find a person i wanted to raise a family with, then the memories of my own childhood would forever be guiding me in my treatment of my own family. I would be everything that my mother wasnt, id be there for them when they had problems, id help them with their homework and walk them to school, i would take an interest in their day and encourage them to pursue anything they found interesting. I would spend time with them on the weekends and not just let them wonder the street looking for trouble as i was.
But more that that i would teach them from the experiences ive learned growing up and hope they never have to experience them first hand.
DiesSomnium 31-35 2 Responses 3 Nov 7, 2011