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Can I Get A Break...please?? Hello???

I warn  you - this is long - it was a bad day today and I need to vent...a friend of mine might say, "Skip to the end!" but I need to spell this out.

I was content to muddle through this Friday knowing that the weekend was imminent....the glorious weekend....the respite from life's cruel reality...relief was on its way...or, so I thought...

Most of my friends know me as someone who practices that saying, water-on-a-duck's back.  And most of the time they are right - I don't often fall prey to life's bumps in the road.  I generally am pretty logical in how I approach challenges, and that is thanks to a dear friend of mine who has mentored me through the years.  No small feat, if you knew how freakin' emotionally intense I am (maybe better you don't!), so I owe her eternal gratitude.

But today really tried my patience.  I thought by tonight, and a Scotch (or two...ok, maybe three), that I would be sufficiently over the irritant that ruined my day (week, month, what-the ****-ever), but I'm not, so here I am to vent about it.  I don't often vent, so I guess I'm pretty pissed off... still.  Pffft!!!

It all started with my before that...back a few years to budget cuts and scrambling for money and doing without, and doing twice as much with less - "the new normal" as the exec's call it.  Specifically, I am talking software and hardware (not that I couldn't talk about a lot of other issues!)  More accurately - Microsoft Excel and HP laser color printers.  

If you are an Excel guru, PM me PLEASE!!!!!!  If you are an HP printer guru, PM me PLEASE!!!!!!  If you are BOTH an Excel guru AND an HP color laser printer guru, then I already worship the ground you walk on - PM me, PLEASE!!!

For months we have had an HP color laser printer that only prints in color maybe 30% of the freakin' time.  I haven't yet figured out the rhyme or reason for this unacceptable behavior.  I know of no jilted lovers or hardware conflicts, and even had the IT manager upgrade the memory to accommodate those huge graphic and bitmap files.  I've rebooted the printer, caressed it, rebooted my computer, did a burnt offering to Microsoft, etc., but no dice.  

Once again, today I was tasked with crunching numbers to come up with a really pretty colorful graph for the director of our department - think Barbie doll pretty, ok?  Think, if you had to show this to your mayor and/or city council, would it pass the smell test??  All right, not a problem - I can do that!!  I extracted the data, and set up an Excel worksheet to create a pretty document with data and a colorful graph.  Sounds logical yes??  I followed all the parameters.  All my formulas were correct.  My math was spot-on (hear that, Itze? lol)  My chart looked freakin' awesome...on color...

When I tried to print my pretty Barbie Doll graph on our *color* HP laser printer, it was printing in black and white...again!!!  To say I was pissed, is an understatement.  More like a ******' understatement!!!  More like I-have-******'-had-it-with-this-POS-******' goddamned software-and/or-G-D printer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried everything....I mean effin' everything to get that graph to print in color!!  I checked every option to make sure "color" was selected.  I went into the advanced printing options and made sure the correct selections were made.  I even turn off and then re-booted our HP color laser printer.

I finally resorted to calling our ITS guys.  I really do exhaust every option before calling them because I know first-hand they are short-staffed due to budget cuts.  I prefer to solve problems on my own anyway, when possible.

And I know...there are those out there that will commiserate, when I say that it may as well have been my car that was teasing me, because when the IT guy came up to check out my spreadsheet, it printed in G-D freakin' ******' color for him!!!!   WTF???????  **** me with sand!!!!!!

He's one of those guys who rarely shows emotion.  An ITS geek with a straight poker face like I'm some hysterical dumb-*** female who doesn't understand Excel or an HP color laser printer.  Great.  Just great. 

I was so upset and so exasperated after over 2 hours of trying to print that ******* document in color that I said, almost tearfully, "I....I....all I to go home and have a Scotch."  I literally thought I was going to burst out in tears in front of him!!

But then I realized it wasn't solely about the computer/printer problems.  I've been dealing with some very serious and challenging issues in my life of late, and they've taken their toll and I think today's software/printer glitch was the last straw for me.

So, I'm glad today was Friday, and I have the weekend to recuperate and by Monday morning I should be back to my logical and professional self by the time I reach the office.

During the interim  - I hope the antiquated computers, software and printers ******* blow up to ******* hell over the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vignette Vignette 51-55, F 10 Responses Apr 6, 2012

Your Response


A small issue can make you upset, I can remote control you, you are not a master of yourself, you are a slave of your mind

Remote control me? I am intrigued. Please, do share what your method is for this. As for being a slave of my mind, most of us are slaves to our minds, unless we are incredibly, highly evolved enlightened beings. :-)

just watch your mind and you become the watcher

WoW! I too was caught by "**** me with sand" - colorful.

My dear, my friend and I have many such colorful sayings, and we also have coordinating gestures we can sign to each other when speaking verbally is out of the question!! lol

Oh my LOL

This is what happens when you work in a "Big Brother" environment. You find other ways to communicate. :-)

Speaking of ******* with sand - I have seen **** videos that showed that very act - I couldn't see the point - but I admit I watched.

What? Really?? Literally f*cking with sand?? I never thought it was something that could (or should!) be done!! Yikes!!!!

She opens herself up with one of those speculum gadgets and pours sand in - maybe doesn't deserve "****" as a verb. I suppose the link, if I gave it to you wouldn't be used. LOL

Holy shite!! (squirming in my seat) The mental visual is enough, thanks!! lol


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Lol! You tell a good story. You could give up on the whole printer/ excel fiasco and write comedy instead. You certainly made me laugh :)

Aw, thank you! That's so kind of you to say. Glad it gave you a laugh! I love laughter, and even in the midst of being pissed off to high heaven, I can still usually find some humor in the situation somewhere. :-)

My original plan was to read this and then... I don't know... commiserate or something. Kind of try to be sensitive and ****. Like I'm good at that sort of stuff.<br />
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But, having read it all, the only bit that I can really remember with any degree of clarity is "**** me with sand". I know there were other bits, like colour blind printers, but still... those pale into insignificance, here.<br />
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Exactly how abrasive do you like your sand to be, by the way?

The abrasiveness is contingent upon the severity of the situation and level of frustration. My co-worker and I generally refer to sand for most cases, but in those circumstances where we're totally 'effed, we assign gravel as a more appropriate ingredient to describe our distress. ;-)

I'd just skip straight to the extreme end and rub one out with sandpaper.

And just in case "rub one out" isn't a term that's known in the USA... it refers to the act of rubbing one out.

Hmm, that term could be a bit ambiguous... I might have to decide between coarse and fine grit sandpaper.

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I have an HP 24" plotter that used to give me trouble. What I found with it was that it assigns different parameters ba<x>sed on sheet size. We use size A (8-1/2 x 11) through D (24 x 36). I was printing a D size colour sheet and lo and behold it was coming out B size and in black and white. WTF?????? Grrrrrr<br />
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What I finally realized is that our printer has the same sheet size entered multiple times for some reason. Only one of them prints in colour. I believe it's a built in short cut so you don't have to go through the properties menu in order to click the boxes to save the colour toners. When I went through the list and checked the advance properties sure enough some were set to B&W only and some were set to different sheet sizes even though the header said A,B,C or D.<br />
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Don't know if this is you issue or not but it's worth checking out. Before I found it I was about ready to kill someone - lol<br />
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You can just call me when you need to rant :) xo

I'm going to check that out in the advanced properties - thank you for mentioning it. Maybe that's the problem!!

What makes it even more maddening and mysterious, is that it's one Excel workbook with 2 spreadsheets with graphs, and it prints one of them in color and the other in B&amp;W! They are in the same file and all I did was duplicate the first sheet and changed the type of graph, and the print settings were the same for each. I could understand if they were totally separate files - it's easy for settings to be different in that case, but this was in the same workbook.

I can soooo understand the frustration you had with your plotter. I feel your pain!! lol

Aw, thank you my dear, for lending your ear. You know I treasure your sound reasoning. You can call me as well, any time. xoxo :-)

I'm glad it helped. Sometimes a good rant is just like cleaning a closet in your mind. It gets it all out so we can sort thru it and get it all organized in our brains!! ♥

Yes!! It worked wonders for me since I felt so relieved afterwards. I might have to consider doing this more often. ;-D

Have you checked the color cartridges on your laser printer to make sure they haven't run low?<br />
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This one printer I had wasn't printing correctly because the color cartridges were low, so I thought I'd throw that out there in case it helps.

Yes, all the cartridges have plenty of toner. But it's good to check them, yes. I wish that was the problem because it's one that is easily fixed.

I'm sorry, but Excel and HP are not my items of expertise. I am glad you have the weekend to recuperate with a few drinks. I do know that cursing at machinery only confuses it.

No wonder it's so confused then, because I sure as heck was cursing it out yesterday. lol

Laughing hysterically and crying for you at the same time. Hugs my dear friend. We really do need to talk soon. Funny you mention a mentor because I've always totally thought that you were mine. :). Sorry I havent been in touch of late. Overwhelmed to the point of being numb by it all. Just know I'm always thinking of you. Hugs.

I felt very relieved after this rant and then slept like a baby!! :-) I'm sorry you are overwhelmed right now. I'm thinking of you too, and send you all my positive energy. Call me when you feel up to it. heart went right out to you on this..... I relate....Oh yeah I do! I only wish I had some computer expertise to share.....None here..... These machines hate me...<br />
I can offer up a hug for you tho and applaud you getting the rant out.... I hope the issues you're dealing with lighten up to.... I also hope the scotch helped!! May the weekend sooth ya and hopefully Monday will be better!

Thank you, Sie. :-) It felt sooo good to get that off my chest last night!