Negative, Emotionless Mum.I live with just my Mum, and she's a very negative and emotionless person. I can never go to her when I am depressed or upset or in need of advice, because she shrugs it all off.
I suffer from two disorders and I get very depressed on occasion, but instead of going to Mum for comfort, I have to bury myself under my covers and cry until I can't cry no more. My cats and my teddies are my only comfort in this damn house.
I wish I could just go up to Mum and ask for a hug and have her want to hug me and offer some comforting words, or maybe her arms around me would just be enough. Maybe just her shoulder to cry on when I tell her what I'm feeling and going through in life. But I can't. She won't listen, which is why I keep so much bottled up inside until it just explodes out of me.
If I try telling her what I'm feeling, it causes an argument and she starts telling me that what I'm suffering from is effecting her life; and this upsets me, because I am the one going through all this mental pain, constantly feeling drained day in and day out, and all she's worried about is how it puts her in a bad mood. Don't worry about me, the one who is going through so much, more than someone my age should be going through.
After an argument, she ignores me for days, never saying a single word to me, never looking my way, and she just stomps through the house, her negativity following her every step. And I'm left on my own again, emotions from the fight on top of all my other psychological crap.
I feel like I'm the adult in the house, because she acts so childish when I just want to talk out our issues and move on. But she doesn't like talking about feelings, she'd rather ignore it and forget it ever happened.
She puts me down constantly and laughs and snorts at my difficulties. The other day she purposely put me down by saying she "doesn't listen to 19-year-olds" after I tried giving her some advice, which she had already been given by friends; but it seems she won't listen to me because I'm younger, and according to her I'm not wise. Age doesn't define maturity, and I am wise in certain areas. Mum just like's to always be right, no matter what.
Due to some circumstances several nights ago, I had slipped into a panic attack. I tried to hug my Mum, but she thought I was joking and didn't hug me back. Once she realised I was being serious as my breathing began to pick up, my body fighting to grasp some oxygen, my body almost convulsing on the couch, she sat beside me awkwardly like she didn't know what to do with herself. I had to calm myself down by doing some breathing techniques, and afterwards she gave me no comforting words, she didn't ask if I was OK, she didn't hug me; nothing.
I feel like I have no support system or positivity at home. I'm tired of her being negative and bitter towards me, towards our animals. It's so draining.
I can go to my Dad for comfort and my Psychologist, but I don't see them every day. I literally see Mum 24/7 and I just want her to show that she cares, to stop hiding her emotions and to start being there for me emotionally. And, to control her anger issues.
I can't continue to live around such negativity, I hate feeling even more drained and stressed around her. I'm always walking on eggshells.
tianajade 18-21, F 10 Responses 16 Oct 23, 2012