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Negative, Emotionless Mum.

I live with just my Mum, and she's a very negative and emotionless person. I can never go to her when I am depressed or upset or in need of advice, because she shrugs it all off.

I suffer from two disorders and I get very depressed on occasion, but instead of going to Mum for comfort, I have to bury myself under my covers and cry until I can't cry no more. My cats and my teddies are my only comfort in this damn house.

I wish I could just go up to Mum and ask for a hug and have her want to hug me and offer some comforting words, or maybe her arms around me would just be enough. Maybe just her shoulder to cry on when I tell her what I'm feeling and going through in life. But I can't. She won't listen, which is why I keep so much bottled up inside until it just explodes out of me.

If I try telling her what I'm feeling, it causes an argument and she starts telling me that what I'm suffering from is effecting her life; and this upsets me, because I am the one going through all this mental pain, constantly feeling drained day in and day out, and all she's worried about is how it puts her in a bad mood. Don't worry about me, the one who is going through so much, more than someone my age should be going through.

After an argument, she ignores me for days, never saying a single word to me, never looking my way, and she just stomps through the house, her negativity following her every step. And I'm left on my own again, emotions from the fight on top of all my other psychological crap.

I feel like I'm the adult in the house, because she acts so childish when I just want to talk out our issues and move on. But she doesn't like talking about feelings, she'd rather ignore it and forget it ever happened.

She puts me down constantly and laughs and snorts at my difficulties. The other day she purposely put me down by saying she "doesn't listen to 19-year-olds" after I tried giving her some advice, which she had already been given by friends; but it seems she won't listen to me because I'm younger, and according to her I'm not wise. Age doesn't define maturity, and I am wise in certain areas. Mum just like's to always be right, no matter what.

Due to some circumstances several nights ago, I had slipped into a panic attack. I tried to hug my Mum, but she thought I was joking and didn't hug me back. Once she realised I was being serious as my breathing began to pick up, my body fighting to grasp some oxygen, my body almost convulsing on the couch, she sat beside me awkwardly like she didn't know what to do with herself. I had to calm myself down by doing some breathing techniques, and afterwards she gave me no comforting words, she didn't ask if I was OK, she didn't hug me; nothing.

I feel like I have no support system or positivity at home. I'm tired of her being negative and bitter towards me, towards our animals. It's so draining.

I can go to my Dad for comfort and my Psychologist, but I don't see them every day. I literally see Mum 24/7 and I just want her to show that she cares, to stop hiding her emotions and to start being there for me emotionally. And, to control her anger issues.

I can't continue to live around such negativity, I hate feeling even more drained and stressed around her. I'm always walking on eggshells.

tianajade tianajade 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 23, 2012

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My mom was the same way. Yelling and saying I'm worthless. Honey you should go live with your dad! I'm here for you if you need to talk! Add me too your circle! Good luck love!

You don't need to move out to be indepedent. I have learned that one is indepenent when they don't rely on another to change what only they can change. You have nothing to prove to another or yourself. Anyone...who tries to control their emotions will fail. You have to know what you want to be emotionally. If you want to be happy...be happy. Don't seek to be loved, but one who is willing to give love unconditionally. The emotional body is like a pool of water. It will remain still until acted on by an outside source. It usually is the Memory of Mental Body that is causing the problem. I actually like when a person is perdictible. That way...i know what to expect. Whenever...you or another doesn't have the answers, they become the victim. The answer, is always in letting go. None will have an answer until they change the image of being a victim. I have to live with my parents....many complain. I guarantee there's worse places to be. Be thankful...you can. I had to move out and help support my parents at the age !3. Spent my teenage life living in cheap motel rooms. I learned the importance of learning to love myself as that is what I was with most the time. A person I worked with turned me onto away to clear my mind through singing the HU. Sounded, silly at first, but worth the try. He said, "HU...was the Ancient name of God". That turned me off at first. But, I decided to try singing this HU sound. He told me..to set or lie down on my back. Put my attention on my Mind's Eye (personally..I had know idea what he was referring to), he went on to tell me it is located between my eyebrows about an inch inwardly. Wow, was I confussed. I closed my eyes...tried to place my attention where he told me to. I took a mild breath of air and sung a long HU sound softly outwardly. He instructed me to do it for twenty minutes a day. I never felt so loved as I did by letting my attention go within. I began to chant the HU throughout the day to myself. To change life outwardly...we must change it inwardly first. It all begins and ends with You. This chant can be heard and explained fully at Eckankar.org...It really can make a differrnce in neutralizing energy fields around you.

The hard part about this is that you HAVE good support in your life from your dad and psychologist, but you don't see them all the time like you do your mom. And for that I'm sorry. I know that all you need is someone to tell you that it's going to be alright and give you a hug once in a while, rather than making you feel bad for how you feel. It's not fair and you deserve better than that.

I know what you mean, but in my case my mum is always yelling and demanding things to go her way.

She is often not talking to either me or my brother (depends on who she had a fight with), living with her is hard. She verbally abuse us too.

Good luck with yours.

Is there a reason you cannot live with you dad for a while?

Imagine your mother had this "perfect image of a daughter" and YOU come along.
Now from your end you feel like "Hey Mom, help fix me"

but is it possible at Moms end she's "OMG look how badly I ****** up! My marriage failed, my life sucks, I made a defective daughter and if "I" try to fix her likely it will make her 10 times worse"

I am not saying this is what is going on, just giving you a chance to get some perspective.

BTW, she is there emotionally, negative emotions is what she has been 'Taught" to do and sounds like she does them very well.

I find when I am "fixing other people" at some moment in the process I hear my inner voice saying "Are you listening? This is very important in YOUR life. This is exactly what YOU need to hear."

That other person was just delivered into my life to help ME make the next step in my life.

It sounds like your mom has got issues how about writing her a letter of how you feel maybe it will get through to her head quicker hope this helps x

bless you x . If you want to chat drop me a line your not on your own

8/ Sounds terribly familiar, I know what you're going through. As you know, my mother's exactly the same, very shut off emotionally, and she tells me that I'm making things hard for her when I tell her how I'm feeling, so I mostly try to keep it to myself now -- which is unhealthy, because as you said, it bursts out eventually. But there seems to be nothing I can do about it. My mother doesn't listen when I try to tell her how I feel, she shuts me out, so of course we don't get anywhere and things never get any better. So I really don't have any helpful advice on how to deal with it or make it better, but I'm here for you if you want to talk.

I know. I've tried talking to her about it, but she just shuts me out and starts yelling, saying I'm wrong and all that. Ugh, it's so frustrating!

Yup. If they'd just listen for a moment, and try to communicate better... well, maybe we'd get somewhere for once. I hate going around in circles like this, and feeling so bad all the time! Especially when mothers are supposed to bring you up, not down.

*Hugs*
I just read your story and felt so sad.
I am here as your good friend if you need to talk.

Thank you.

My advice, find a way to move out. Your mum probably has her own **** to deal with, so she refuses to deal with your issues as well as her own. I think it's very selfish of her to treat you like she does. She should be ashamed of herself! She's a mum and with that comes the responsibility of taking care of you, good or ill!

I have a feeling that once you move out you will get better. You're right, you do need a more positive influence in your life and from what I see I believe it is you that needs to make the move. No matter how hard you try your mother isn't going to budge and will continue to rebel against you. I think it'll take you leaving her for her to see just how wrong she is.

I know it won't be easy because lets face it, when is life ever easy? I do however firmly believe that once you get yourself settled somewhere else and in a more positive environment, things will get better.

I do want to move out, but honestly can't while I have Agoraphobia and that I have not yet found my independence. I'm still so dependent on my parents, it'd be unhealthy to move out on my own at this stage. But then again, it's also unhealthy living around so much negativity.

What about your dad, could you move in with him and help you with you Agoraphobia? I believe he'd more helpful and healing than your mother. If not, then I can only say that you have to work with what you have. When I was living with my sisters there was a lot of negativity within the household because we could never get along on anything. I had to shut myself away from them and find my own center to gain some semblance of freedom.

I'm not the best advice giver, but you need to find a better outlet. Maybe you should try a online college where you could stay home and still earn your degree. I may have already suggested that, but I forget. Anyways, you'd be in school and would be learning at your own pace.

There is another thing that I started doing when I needed an outlet. I started Fanfiction. It's a website where you can write your own stories based on your favorite movies, tv, books, comics, ect... It's fun and totally time consuming. Be careful thought b/c it can become rather addicting! I'm writing three separate stories in my spare time, but before I started college I was always writing to pass the time. Who knows, you may even get noticed by some publishers.

50 Shades of Grey was a FF before it got published and I know a few authors who got their works published from FF. It's also a great opportunity to meet friends.

I don't want to live with my Dad. I like my home. I'm done with education, I want nothing to do with it, so that's not an option. And I already do writing on a website, although it's more designed for just general creative writing and Fanfictions. I also read a lot, and do Graphic art. But it's all still inside my house, still around this negativity.

Maybe you should start selling your art or think about publishing something. I'm going to start writing my novel this summer. Btw, is the other website called Wattpad? I just started writing on there.

Yeah, Wattpad.

Sweet :)

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