My Blood.*******. I feel all sucidal again. I can't seem to shake this feeling off. I am sure i won't kill myself tonight though the wish is creepy enough to make me shudder and curse inwardly cuz of my lack of self-respect. I am so... ****, there's no words for it. I want to shout and break **** and fight and curse and fall on my knees and cry like a little baby. There's nothing wrong about that, but i feel so myserable becuase of that. I knew it would take longer to recover from all this **** going on. I just can't evade being full of it.
Full of repressed memories,sadness, sorrow, white hot anger, pure black resentment and more **** that i can't put a name to. I feel like i'm about to explode. I tremble and my lips move trying to say something. Anything, as long as it aliviates my--not pain, more like aching. Have you had that feeling? Wanting to do something to forget everything and just let go?
Like this eternal itch.
I wish i could let go. Damn, life sucks. I want to write so ******* bad. Wanna cut my wrists and write it all down and watch the blood dry till i close my eyes and breath. I can't breath without being dreadful about it, without wanting to throw up and rip my face off.
Just f*uck me. I don't give a **** anymore.