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My Blood.

*******. I feel all sucidal again. I can't seem to shake this feeling off. I am sure i won't kill myself tonight though the wish is creepy enough to make me shudder and curse inwardly cuz of my lack of self-respect. I am so... ****, there's no words for it. I want to shout and break **** and fight and curse and fall on my knees and cry like a little baby. There's nothing wrong about that, but i feel so myserable becuase of that. I knew it would take longer to recover from all this **** going on. I just can't evade being full of it.

Everything.

Full of repressed memories,sadness, sorrow, white hot anger, pure black resentment and more **** that i can't put a name to. I feel like i'm about to explode. I tremble and my lips move trying to say something. Anything, as long as it aliviates my--not pain, more like aching. Have you had that feeling? Wanting to do something to forget everything and just let go?

Like this eternal itch.

A longing.

Waiting.

I wish i could let go. Damn, life sucks. I want to write so ******* bad. Wanna cut my wrists and write it all down and watch the blood dry till i close my eyes and breath. I can't breath without being dreadful about it, without wanting to throw up and rip my face off.
F*UCK ME.
Just f*uck me. I don't give a **** anymore.
sayonaranow sayonaranow 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 14, 2013

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there is a time where i have felt the same way mili........but even if your about to give up on everything killing yourself won't make things change for the better.......it will only make it worse.......there is a quote i created that says : "killing yourself...is to court eternal suffering and pain.......and in killing yourself you give the same thing to your friends and family as much as you have done so yourself......." this quote has changed many of my friends believe it or not......look mili what i am saying is don't kill yourself.......even if your family doesn't care your friends do.....the same goes along if its your friends not caring and your family caring in place of your friends.....in summation don't do it........there will be a time where something good will happen.....something good ALWAYS happens........believe me i know........i have almost done the same thing......

I am feeling slightly better now. This happens from time to time; i don't like it but i just can't control it or evade it. However, i learned to wait it out. I know good things will happen, i just feel so frustrated right now. Nothing i write is enough and writing is all that keeps me sane. Sometimes i get the notion that if i stop writing i'll lose myself. Writing is practically what defines me, so i don't wanna stop. Who will i be if i do? What if i lose this? It scares me to think pf that being a posibility. Thanks for your words,it's great help. I know it's been a while since we last talked, but i do apreciate your thoughtfulness a lot.

hey...i'll do anything to help my family......my friends both near me and online & far away are my true family.......if you need someone to talk to let me know......