Take These Arrows Away From Me...
My Dearest Love,
Few people move me. Few people touch me. Few people hold me with delicate and intense embrace. Know that it is not often that I allow myself the privilege of acceptance. I’m sitting here across from someone that does not move me in anyway shape or form. They know this hoping and wishing that they can change my mind. They say… “Just give me a chance. Just let go of whatever it is that has a hold on you and I promise you, you will forget all about that and want only me more.”
The words are bitter sweet as I try with everything in me to squeeze them to taste the sweetness that is being offered. But there is nothing in them for me. Only the desire for what I want. And what I want is not here or in this moment. What I want is somewhere else and not with me.
There is no comfort or solace in using someone as a delay of the feelings that will come and take me away to the gallows of my imprisoned feelings that must pay the price for its deceit. These arrows that I carry in my chest are here for a reason. The pain is meant to be felt so that I will remember this moment in time when what I really wanted was you.
I have many miles to walk before I can rest. Though I will survive, it will come at a great cost. A cost that I am prepared to pay, just tell me how much and I will pay it. Is it with my heart? Is it with my soul? Is it with my love that I refuse to relinquish to anyone else?
How long must I stagger through this agony before you see that what I truly want is you? Am I paying for something that you have not revealed to me? Please allow me to defend myself before you allow others to judge me.
But if my sentence is to bow and fall to my knees and die with these arrows in my heart, then know that in the end, I loved you like I loved no one else…