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Complicated

Ep doesn't have the mood I'm looking for. It's a word even beyond indescribable. It's a feeling in which I cannot convey words. Though, I will try to explain some of it. I will warn you though, my way of thinking-imagination is very different and unique. So, it may or may not seem or be the way you think.

I tried to block out so much of the stuff that was floating in my head. Maybe if I'd clear some thoughts out than I could try to relax for the day. I didn't physically feel a throbbing head ache, but mentally I felt it was there. I couldn't escape my surroundings. Everywhere I meant there was chaos that would randomly turn into silence for a moment, just a moment though. The world spins madly on and so does my motion. I go where ever the world turns. I always seem to fall into some trap and get hurt. People who look like monsters are thirsting for my soul and flesh. I feel I am not wanted here. I get vibes that tell me to run and hide. Though, even when I try to be strong, I find myself lying on the floor numb. Where do I go from here? Who'll save me? I can't see the path that looks the safest to go on alone. It's getting dark and I've found no answers. When the lights are out completely, will I survive?

 

AngelWithin AngelWithin 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 8, 2009

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U will soon step into dream places..Then U would realise how strong has the past obstacles has made u!

My friend Brandon once said to me, "If someone tells you they're depressed, and they can describe it to you, then they're not depressed; they're just sad. If the pain is indescribable and can't be put into words...that's real depression." I would have to say that I agree. I have tried many times to capture exactly what depression feels like, and end up frustrated every time. There are no words. Sometimes the poetry seems to get close, but never really captures it. Sometimes, I want to make up a new word to describe what I feel. "Depression" is overused...people say "I'm depressed because my bunny died" and then someone else says, "I'm depressed because I'm suicidal and in indescribable pain." How can those things even compare? It's like the word "love" - you can say "I love pizza" and "I love the Lord" and "I love my husband", and none of these things are really even comparable. I told my friend that - that I wanted to find a new word for what I felt. He said, "yeah, but that would be useless. No one would know what it means." So I'm stuck fighting the constraints of the English language, staring at a thesaurus and wracking my brains, trying to communicate. Not that I ever show anyone my poetry. But, you know. I need to say it for me. I think, though, that you did a good job with your description. It's unique. I like to hear your perspective on this never-ending nightmare called life. Okay, so it gets better some days. But who knows when it'll be dark again? I'm sorry, I'm being too pessimistic. But, I'm interested to hear more about you. Keep writing. It helps. It helps both you and other people...you can get it out of yourself, communicate with other people, get their perspective...and it also helps others, because they can read it and relate to it, and say "that's me, I wish I could say it that way", or, "at least I'm not alone."

I'm surrouned by the living dead and seen by only my kind.

As night falls and darkness sets in all appears lost. At times only the echos of screams with our very own voice, reminding us we are truely alone. The dawn comes with another day so swallow another yummy mouthful of the worlds bullshit or just maybe the hand that saves will be here this day or just maybe my Shadow will speak to me in a voice of not my own to say I am here day or night. You are never alone.