I Never Felt Worthy....

  ven when dad "had" to take me for a weekend (which wasn't often), it wasn't like he enjoyed it. I always felt like I wasn't good enough, that he didn't love me. I wasn't worthy of being loved.

  e'd take me to his family's "boxing day" get together every year, mainly because my grandfather made him. Daddy never spent any time with me, he was always busy with my cousins. Oh, they LOVED him, I couldn't get him to look at me sideways. I'd end up sitting with my grandfather. I was always left with the feeling that I just wasn't that important.....

  aybe that's why I'm so messed up now. I know that the abuse I suffered sexually & emotionally in my life definitely didn't help, but I wonder sometimes if the way my father treated me & how it always made me feel didn't do more damage then I thought. I have a LOT of scars, & I will probably never be able to get them to fade.... Some of them haven't even healed yet. They still bleed sometimes.


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1 Response Mar 5, 2009

Yep my dad wouldn't even come pick me up to visit after my sister stopped wanting to see him...he said it wasn't worth the drive if only one of us was coming. He didn't even know the guys name that I dated for 3 years of HS cause he didn't ever talk to me then tried blaming the lack of communication on me. Hello jack *** you're the adult here! He got married and didn't tell me til a month later and when I got married at 18 he didn't want to know anything about it except why my mom had still been receiving child support for 2 weeks after I was married! He hasn't talked to me since even tho I've tried calling and left messages saying I want to have a relationship, be able to talk, etc. He is my father. My step-dad has become my dad.