But through all the pain they never reached your heart. I never meant to hurt you. All I wanted was to love you. I made every mistake a woman could make with a man with you. The only person I have ever truly loved. I had been a shell of a woman for so many years before the day you walked into my life. I painted on a mask to make it appear there was life where there wasn't. The day you walked into my life was the day Missy was reborn. The first time I ever saw your perfect face. Heard your amazing voice so kind and strong but gentle. Your eyes a beautiful blue I had never seen before. I couldn't look away. You captivated me fully in every way You looked at me like you could see straight through my soul. And all the sudden there was a heartbeat where before it had not. A light straight into my soul. You captivated me in every way. Your words the way you used them. Your smile. The way you walk. Then as you walked into the other room with me to say hello to my boss as you walked near me your sent. I had never been so stuck. I couldn't help it. I accidentally on purpose brushed your arm as I passed you. Just to know the feeling of your skin. My heart mind body and soul have never been the same from that day forward.....I was yours from then on. All the while fully believing that a man like you. Perfect in my eyes in every way. Would never bother to waste a second of his thoughts or time on which a waste like me.. You went in and sat down to talk to my coworkers. I came in and out every chance I had while you were there. I will never forget the moment I heard you saying something about if a person is grumpy they were probably hungry tired or lonley , so why not offer them half your sandwich and a smile before getting angry. Your ideas were foreign and new to me. I loved listening to you. I went out of my way to see, you hear, be close to you any chance I got. Just to be near you made me happy. Made me feel like I had won a prize. I have never known a soul so beautiful as yours. I shall never know another. I wish I could hand you my heart and soul. For then you would know without a dought how true my love for you is. All of the things I never knew how to show you and the feelings I just never had adequate words to express to you. I wish you could understand. I would give my life to have your forgiveness. If only you knew my truth why I did the things I did how hard I tried and still do to be a better person. One worthy of your love. My stupid mouth and my needless constant questioning of everything. I even drive myself insane. It was bad learned behavior from fear. If only I had one more chance. All i want to do is listen. I'm so sorry my love. Please forgive me. I am forever yours. I still wear your ring. The one you put on my finger the day you asked me to be your wife. I will never take it off. You are loved. My stupid fears and mouth always over running my *** and trying to control life out of fear of missing what I had found with you. I made you think that my view of you and who you are is so far off I'm discussed with myself. How could I say such stupid crap that lead you to believe I saw you in a way that I never have nor ever would. I hope you know somehow how I truly see you. In my eyes and heart you are perfect. Like you used to tell me all the time. " scars and weathering" there is no one and nothing more perfect in my opinion than you. I do not want to die. But I would rather die then suffer having to exsist in life without you. For without you. Inside there is nothing I love you.
missy1977 missy1977
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 23, 2014

Guilt is one of the worst burdens you can bear. I understand losing someone that means everything. Thank you for sharing your pain and reaching out so others don't feel so ALONE

How are you feeling these days ?

That's love :)

your funny


Why. You that's why. I am a ok.miss you

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Emm,I'm sorry

I'm sorry you're suffering so much and missing him. *hugs*

i truly hope ur msg reaches the rightful person.
seems u r really in too much pain

Best Wishes and hope ur pain eases out soon.

Thank you. I hope it does. I pray. I'd give anything. Thank you.

keep the hope alive. life is always plays a little trick on us
so tht we can come out strong and best out of any sort of issues.

I hope you are correct sir. I have held on and I will so long as I can. I don't know how much longer I will be able to. Wreakage from my past haunts me. I have brain damage from major abuse over ten years I have sezours. I'm missing my sight and hearing. I was trying so hard to fight to get healthy before he disappeared from my life. Now I just have no fight left in me.

sorry to hear it. painful time u r hving.. hope it eases out sooon.

Ty. I hope you are blessed sir. That was so very kind. I t means a lot to me.

plz its a wish from one human to another.
nthg special of it.

BTW i m not sir.
just a person-- wintersecret :)

Cheers. Indeed kind sir.

Oh I'm so sorry. Won't happen again.

"This too, shall pass"

I am gonna kick your ***.

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