But It Wouldn't Matter Anyway

cuz he's a **** head- I attract **** heads for some reason. I bring out the worst in people, especially men. without even trying.
The weird thing is I am so shy and nervous around guys- especially the ones I like but they seem to go the **** act more- like if they could only see how frightened and nervous I am and just give me a break and be kind and gentle to me- I think it would work out. I am so old fashioned but - I still like the guys who take a bit of the lead, I find it hard to push myself onto men - incase they think I am so ugly or fat- which I know I am at the moment...

I felt this way about the guy at uni I knew as a kid even. and there were others, older when I was a kid and same age when I was at college. and I let myself down. I think I am too fussy and fake. I think I am a nasty person and I know I care about people - I don't need the cute guys.

I better just stick to a few crushes on pop stars like Enrique etc for the time being. I don't really want to like anyone really, in my own life or pop star. just really want to focus on my cats and my study. that's all the matters to me. it has to- for life really.
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
Aug 7, 2010