Weird But True..

it feels good to let out my embarrassing frustration which i cant dare discuss with anyone....
All my life i have wanted secured love...
i met him in university and we both were attracted to each other...he knew it was more than friendship and i was the one who proposed love...there it is ,my first mistake...i cracked up first and he said yes after loooong silence...i was hurt..should have left him then and there but didnt do so...said he was afraid of his family and was not sure of his feelings but also saying that i was more than a friend to him....he was
1. never romantic towards me
2. always did things only when i asked him to do
3. used to call only when there is some work.
good points- good person, patient and caring( after i ask)
i know its my fault that i didnt come out of the relation and it was obvious (to me) that he was not interested in me (only lust). i discussed with him ,fought with him tried to reason with him...he says he does love me and being silent is his nature..but after the talks, again its back to square one with me feeling neglected and left out of his life.
i cried for days craving for his love(still doing so)...but it was only tear stains that was all i had left now...i dont blame him for my tears but my question is why should he say yes when he didnt love me and why am i being an idiot still hoping him to change...many times i wonder why did i even liked him but i did... :(.....plz help me to forget this guy and move on with my life..what should i do?
thank to this blog...after a long time i let out my feelings....
dopz dopz
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

I hope we both find true love.
I fell for a guy in high school I had recently transferred and we were instantly attracted to each other. We dated for a few weeks and then by phone he broke up with me. It was the worst feeling in the world. So I slowly started moving on and suddenly he wanted to be with me again only to totally ignore me shortly after he attained what he wanted. I loved him and wanted nothing more than to be with him. This went on for almost nine years before I realized that I would never be good enough for him. During those nine years I had tried to move on several times, had relationships and got my life together with school and work. However, the relationships never worked because, even though I didn't step out physically I wasn't there mentally.I secretly hoped that one day he would want to be with me too. I don't know how or why one person could have such a hold over my heart. If he didn't want me he should have left me the day he broke up with me. I would have been better off.

I have recently decided to move one from this individual. No matter how much I actually love him, he will never be able to love me in return. I have grown up since first meeting him, changed, and I think become a better person from the experience. I am single, going to school, and hoping that one day someone else make me feel that way, someone who has every intention of staying.
There are seven billion people on this planet may the odds be in our favor.

thank you so much for sharing ur story and ur support...this is what i feel too. why didnt he say "no" daringly and cut out the hope and my pain. he doesnt agree my love neither he denies it. just silence. its killing me. i dunno wat to make of it. why do people behave like this.?? why do they take love for granted. ?? recently, i broke up with him. he did not even respond, still the same silence. u have to just experience that pain to believe how much i suffered. i have not gone into depression but i just feel empty inside. i go about my work, spend time with friends but i feel empty; just like a walking machine, sometimes i wonder if i would be far better off being dead than living like an empty shell. but i am not gonna take extreme measures........i am just waiting for this emptiness to pass away[how? i dunno :( ].......i have heard,IF WE REALLY WANT SOMETHING THEN ALL OF THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES TO HELP US ACHIEVE IT i really really pray to god to give faith to all of us in getting what our hearts desire.