I Dont Really Know How to Start...

Well like the title suggests, I do not really know how to start. I just joined this thing on a whim. But at the same time, I have be feeling the need to tell someone. It can not be anyone I know, for I am afraid they will secretly laugh at me. At least with strangers, I will feel a little better knowing that if someone on here did laugh, I would never confront him/her. I'm also secretly afraid that I will come across as some emotional, whiny teenager who doesn't know a thing about life. I'm young and I know that I won't end up with him. Still, if that was so, then why am i...well whatever. I will get on with it.

I suppose I will start by saying that i never thought I would be here in a situation like this. After all, ever since my parents announced their divorce, I have been very pessimistic about love and life. I vowed to never get my feelings up like this (It sounds so corny right?) Well, my f***ing feelings got the better of me. Stupid. It's a strange, because my infatuation with this boy comes equipped with anger, mistrust, and sometimes I want to hit him...hard. I know, aren't I nice... Yet despite those feelings of hate, I feel feelings I have never known before. For the first time in my life, I am having thoughts that are not exactly chaste and at times I will feel especially giddy just thinking about him (WTF?). I do not want a boyfriend, so I am not going to ask him out. I do not want him to ask me out either. With that being said, I feel great urges to talk to him and get to know him. I guess my dilemma that brought me here is that I have no idea what he thinks of me. There are times where I fear he hates me or finds me to be a nuisance. There are times where I hope he likes me, even remotely.

That is all I can say at this point.

lovelylittleone lovelylittleone
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 4, 2009

haha ..so can relateeee suxx when youu really jus need to knoee for the sake of youur own personal thoughts if whatever your projecting is being taken two ways or another. . . i hav a symilar experiannce baha oh andd am also sixteeen haha its awesomee =O) buhtt yehh i feel youur frustration when youU say you still don't even knoee the truth of what of his perception is it suxx i knoeee andd imaa still wondering when the time comes when all the answers will be filled out =P <br />
xx

Um.. if you need to talk, you can message me. I'm sure I'm older than you (especially if you are a teen) but alot of kids find it easy to talk to me for some reason. Anyways, I'm here.