I Contain Multitudes

i remember telling my mom when i was really young, in second grade, maybe, that i "played different with different kids." i was upset and confused by it, but my mom seemed to think it was a very wise statement. and on one hand, i think it is a good thing. it is not so much being fake (as even as a child, i saw and despised pretension) as being receptive? i am multidimentional, just like everyone, and i guess different dimensions come out when i am with different people. but at the same time, it is really frustrating, because i feel as if people only ever see on side of me. i want to be able to exist in all my dimension at once, all the time and with everyone. and, on the other hand, sometimes it is not like that at all. sometimes it has nothing to do with that - sometimes, i feel like i just automatically become the person people see when i am around them, whether that is really me or not. and i guess the first step is recognizing it - i did, for the first time, four or five year ago, and when i look at myself i really have improved, but the fact is, the habit is still there. when i am with someone who sees me a certain way, i feel that way and so act that way. and maybe that is also because i am uncommonly receptive, i don't really know.
Fahrenheit Fahrenheit
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 1, 2007

very true. i finally ditched most of my masks... they are too heavy to maintain all the time.

The ability to interact with different people on different levels is a very useful skill to have, but being able to be yourself in all your permutations is invaluable. Don't worry too much about being able to do everything with everyone, but always stay true to yourself.