Throughout the past few years, I've been through some tough stuff. Worse than the average kid should have to- court, abuse, suicide, medication, bullying. Since the beginning, people, usually in my support groups, have always called me brave. I've never felt that way, though. I try hard to present myself as a strong, brave person, but I'm not.
I'm young, and i wish i'd had more time to enjoy being a kid- something i've never done. I'm scared and hurt and lost, and keeping up this brave look is hard on me. I wish i was really, actually brave. I wish i didnt dream of giving up because of the fear and weakness i'm made of. I wish it didnt all come out on my boyfriend, making our relationship so difficult. I wish i could stand up for myself more easily when it comes to the important things. I want to be brave. I just dont know how.
MissAmsr MissAmsr
18-21, F
18 Responses Dec 5, 2012

After reading only a few sentences, i wanted to reply.

Sometimes we don't know what we are, sometimes it is only by other people telling us, how we are, that we get to know. Sometimes we don't truly contemplate how brave we are for instance. You are stronger than you know. And i don't think you need my advice. You have the answers inside of you :) Luck

Who stopping to be you

Firstly At the moment you are fighting a battle within yourself. Secondly you don't have to show people that you are strong you are living for them. Thirdly do things that will make you happy and not others happy.

I don't know what you have been through, when I was young I went through tough stuff and made mistakes. Believe me, that's just all part of growing up and gaining in experience. When you are much older you will look back at this time in your life and realise you were much braver than you thought you were. You are strong, you have not given up, these times will shape your character and your future. People are all the same - we all are scared of something. We worry all the time about what might happen if we do or say something different. What will happen if we stand up for ourselves or others? Often you find that things turn out much better than we expected. My wife would be very surprised at the difference between the man I am now and the boy I once was. Many things scared me, but when I had to be brave I found the courage I needed. I hope that you find what you need and that things work out for you and your boyfriend. Follow your heart.
God bless 🌟🌟🌟

Brave is just not the apt thing. To put up with so much and taking it in such a mature way, I must you are gonna be one great person later on! And your child will get the best parenting possible ever! Kudos to you! Stay put! Everything happens for a reason!

I'm sorry you went through so much. Kids are so impressionable, and it's very important that they get an opportunity to be a kid. I went through a lot of painful stuff too throughout my entire childhood and didn't have too many chances to be a kid. It'll take time, wisdom, and support, but your scars from childhood/teenage years will heal when you seek to resolve them.
I want to share some ideas with you.
Being courageous doesn't mean that you don't experience feelings of fear, doubt, and temptations to give up. All human beings will experience this. Being brave means that you experience all of this, but you still keep going and learning. Being brave doesn't mean having a hard heart; it means having a softened heart that's wise. If I hadn't experience what I have, I think I would not be as sensitive to other people's suffering.
I know a lot of people think strength is in putting on a mask and pretending like things aren't so bad, but I'm telling you that's a straight up lie. When you do this, it only enables you to feel more alone, because you're not sharing your feelings and concerns with anyone. The more you feel alone, the weaker you become. You know what's really inspiring to people? Witnessing a REAL person who has struggles too, but yet they still ultimately persevere. And if your struggles are used to help and inspire people, that will be EMPOWERING to you! I'm not suggesting you tell everyone every detail of your life. But you need not pretend like everything's okay when it isn't. If people don't respond well to your sincerity, at least on the outside, take it with a grain of salt. They probably like hiding from their problems, but deep down they appreciate and need to see someone who deals with their problems. If we all hid how we felt, who we truly were, we would all be severely alone. And how can we heal and persevere if we're alone?

I know the feeling. People tell me I'm brave and strong but I don't feel that way. I wasn't really able to enjoy childhood either. But people say you are your worst critic but that shouldn't be true. You should be your best complimenter. Praise yourself. If you haven't given up u are strong as hell. There are so many people that just take the easy way out. We are here and still going. Even if we don't feel brave or strong we are.We have the power.

I agree with the person who said get counseling. And find the best one for you, don't stay with one if after a while you don't feel like you are moving toward feeling better.

And your boyfriend will be happy for you, that you are getting better.

Sometimes its hard to see your own positive qualities when you have had so much crap thrown at you. But you are strong because you survive it and you keep living and moving foward. Hurt and pain may not go away over night. But don't let it get in the way of all the wonderful things this life has to offer. If you can let it go you can do anything go anywhere you want to. Keep being strong and surviving things can change and get better just remember you gotta give yourself a little push in a better direction along the way.

Nobody deserves to be abused. My parents abused me, too, but I've learned from all the things that they did were so totally wrong, and I've moved on with my life by leaving them behind and never seeing them or speaking to them. I have not made contact with anyone in my immediate or extended family for 10 years, and I have been at peace ever since. I don't need and don't want their abuse, so I stay away.

There have been times they have attempted to contact me to continue their war against me, but I ignore them. I don't give them the opportunity to pain my heart. Though bad memories always resurface, as I have PTSD from it, I force myself to remember the good times, as good times did indeed exist, although rarely. I fondly recall the good things that my family taught me with their own words and actions, and also the things that they did not intend to teach me: How NOT to behave in my own life. I will not end up like they did, because I have been able to teach myself that what they did was wrong, and I will not make the same mistakes that they made.

I'm only 36, but people say I'm wise way beyond my years. I have many people to thank for that. My friends, my enemies, my school teachers, my martial arts senseis, my brothers in arms and my parents. Every experience in my life, whether good or bad, has taught me many things about life and how to live it properly. I've never been to college, so I don't have a degree, but I do have a doctorate in lifeology. Nobody can teach one better than life itself.

Be thankful for the negative things that happen in life. That is how we learn to become better people. If things were always easy, we'd be a lazy bunch of know-nothings as a species. We are human beings, and we are powerful creatures. We have the ability to learn from our mistakes and take charge of our own destinies. Though we are oftentimes victims of the cruelty from others, it is how we react to them that shows the world who we are, and who we are is better than those who use abuse to control others.

You are indeed brave, even though you don't feel like it. That also makes you humble and noble. People say I'm brave because I was awarded several medals of heroism and gallantry in military combat. But those medals don't prove that I am brave. Medals say nothing. My actions speak louder than words or medallions of heroism. I'm brave because I face my fears and don't run away from bullies and I refuse to allow people to take advantage of me or hurt me anymore.

The first step is standing up to your abusers and enemies with assertiveness. The second step is forgiving them. The third step is moving on with your life, learning everything you can about the experience to make yourself a better person.

You are young and still have much to learn, but you have already learned so much. Take what you have learned and use it well. Then nobody will ever be able to hurt you again, and you will have learned that it's wrong to hurt others, and you will have learned how not to hurt others, as well. Desire to enjoy living and then LIVE. God bless your dear soul, my child.

on another note: you can get away, report the abuse, and may be old enough to refuse to go back home :)

oh ya- seek counseling so your boyfriend isn't overwhelmed by that role. It's o.k. for him to feel overwhelmed by it because he can't take away the pain.

One day at a time. It won't be long till you can leave!!! I'm glad I didn't give up when I was 14, because I'm 33 now and life can be hard, but it's all mine to make my own choices (I bought my own motorcycle) and live! If a boyfriend gets controlling, I give him the boot!!! You will choose to avoid people who hurt. You will choose good people to date, to work for, to hang out with and more good things will come to you! I recommend trying college (maybe a small college). You will meet a lot of people (who have had hard and confusing journeys too) and you will connect with for life! A lot of people have to be what their parents failed to teach them. It is hard, but you can help others. That's how we make the world a better place. Don't be afraid to share problems with girl friends too.

Dear MissAmsr,
Having gone through so many hardships in your life, you are stronger than your think. Just reach deep and believe in yourself, start doing things you truly believe in and happy doing them.

Great story. Thanks for posting.

I had the same problems as a teen. I was brave only when it looked like it was going to be an easy, safe thing to do (Lol!). I had dreams of being and doing great things - then I woke up and found myself in my odd, impossible reality; I was always getting beat up, pushed around, set-up, lied to, and used.

It wasn't until I turned eighteen and became a legal adult and could do what I wanted that things began to turn around for me. Of course, I could not have known that when I was still going to high school and living with my parents. When you are at that point in your life, everything seems to take forever; it seems as though the pain and suffering will never end. But it does end. The older you get, the faster time flies.

Your awareness of the problem is the first step in solving it and the fear is a good thing. The more afraid you are of doing or being something -- the more you can be sure that that is precisely the thing you need to do or to be most in life.

I didn't start being truly brave until I was twenty-two years old, shortly after my daughter was born. I had these horrible visions of her growing up and seeing her dad being kicked around like a dog. The thought of her seeing me that way was the most terrifying thought I'd ever experienced.

Throughout my life, I'd had this recurring dream during which this giant, drooling, fiendish ghoul was chasing me in the dark. My legs were heavy, like lead; I was out of breath, and I could never get away. I could feel his hot, stinking breath on the back of my neck and his giant hand reaching out to grab me... I'd had that dream again just days after she was born... But this time, I was ready for that big, stinking bastard. I'd decided that this must stop once and for all or I would never get on with the kind of life I wanted.

That night, I was being chased in the dark by the giant, as usual. But this time, as I ran as hard as I could, getting nowhere, I took it upon myself to say, 'I've had enough of this ****! Come what may, I'm going to turn around all-of-a-sudden-like and face this bastard and tear his ******* head off!' At that, I stopped running and turned around to face the ghoul only to see the backside of him running frantically away from me in the dark.

I never had that dream again. And as the years passed by, I became more and more brave and eventually faced down every one of my fears. In fact, I faced things and did things in my life that I could never have imagined doing when I was a teen, things I thought were just plain impossible. Some of these things were easy and some of them were hard. It's the hardest ones of all, the hardest fears and tasks that I love to face the most these days. I don't want to do anything that's easy. How boring.

Some fears are bullshit, but we just can't see it. Some fears are well grounded in reality and must be handled with a little more care and consideration than others. But one thing is for sure, they all must be faced.

I don't know what will turn the tide for you, but I do know who is the only one who can turn that tide -- and that's you. That's your job. No one can do it for you. No one can say when the time is right or when or if it will happen. That's all up to you. Perhaps you are not ready to take that plunge right now. And that's OK. Just know that that is where you need to begin to focus. That is where you need to start your thinking on becoming the brave individual that you'd like to be. The more you think about it and the more baby steps you take in that direction - the sooner you will get there.

You probably have this attitude that so much of what is going on around you in your life right now is 100% pure bullshit. Let me be the first to tell you that not only are you 100% correct in that assessment, but also that there are no easy answers to your questions. Almost everything you have learned in your life up to now is pure horse-pucky. And that's good news. You will learn the truth when you begin to seek it. Your choice.

Problems are intrinsic to life. You will always have them. They never go away. The only difference between now and your future is in how you deal with them.

You are only at the very beginning of the very beginning. There's a lot more to life than being a teenager. My teenage years were pure hell. I didn't think I was going to make it either. I gave up on their world a little more each day -- but I kept my own world, the real world, alive and well inside of me. And when the moment came for me to break out of their world -- I took it -- gladly. I am so much better off for it. I've always been different. I've always known I was different. I took the bull by the horns and made that work for me.

And so, "It's all-right now -- in fact it's a gas!" -- The Rolling Stones

Bravery is not the absence of fear, it is continuing to move forward in the presence of it. There will always be bullies no matter what you do, they prey on the weak. They do it to cover up their own fears and short comings. I was bullied in school, eventually most of it will stop. There is the occasional arrogant person that will try to take advantage of you but you do have control over what you do and where you go. Just remember, you are the only person you have to be able to live with so, to thine own self be true.

What do you mean when you say "giving up?"

Soemday when you look back on this time you will see how brave you were and are. I know that when I go thru hard times people have told me that I am so strong. The truth is that when you are in the middle of the storm you do not feel so strong or brave, because you trying to survive at the time. , You are brave you just cannot see it until it has passed and you look back on it. Just keep on doing your best and find away to express your worries and troubles in a healthy way. I have started working out and find that the kickboxing class helps me out.

listen to jleflore, they're totally right. I've been through some hard times in my life, and so has my mother when she was a kid. When you're in the middle of the storm, you're just trying to survive. It's only until it passes when you look back and see all the damage done, but you're still alive. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And you DO have a choice when it comes to enjoying life, you can find little ways to enjoy it. If you don't know how to do that, start hanging around someone you admire and look up to, try seeing the world through anothers' eyes, because that often shifts our perception on our own.