Why Can't I......

  Why is it so easy to believe the bad things about yourself and ignore the good? Why is it so easy to listen to the people who say you're stupid, no good, dirty, sick, pathetic, etc....? Why do I go through everyday feeling like if people really KNEW me, they'd run so fast in the other direction..... That I don't deserve to be happy. That there is more than one reason why I'm miserable and always will be.

  Why is so much easier for me to feel love for others, to cheer up my friends and try to make them happier and help them to know their own worth, but I can't do it for myself? Why do I seem to always think that the only reason my family loves me is because they "have" to...... That if it weren't for blood, they would never speak to me. I would be invisible....

  Why did a member of my family have to put it a certain way when I asked what had happened to the first man who molested me..... Why did they say "He picked the wrong girl!" WTF was I?? The Right one! Why didn't someone stick up for me and beat the **** out of him. I told! They did NOTHING!!!! Then they wonder why I didn't tell the others....maybe because I knew I wasn't worth doing anything about it......... Maybe that's the reason I don't feel like I have value.... Because when I really NEEDED someone to believe me and do SOMETHING.... They ignored it...

  Teri.... Why am I even here? Why do I bother to hold on?...... Oh, wait...I know.......Because I'm a ******' COWARD and am just too frickin' scared to do it and get it over with....that's WHY!

deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Feb 12, 2009

the world we live in is not perfect. almost all of us are reminded of our flaws everyday.. and its hard but you have to just keep looking for the good (everybody has good in them) and trying to make this world a better place (which is done by focusing on the good not the bad) Just keep the faith in the "good in the world" and one day you will see it.. God has a plan for all of us :)