End The Secrecy

I am a crossdresser and have had these feeling since I was four years old although at the moment I'm not practising. Until I was six I thought I was a girl and when I discovered being a boy I was disappointed. I thought I was the only one who felt this way until I saw a documentary on TV when I was about 11 or 12 that featured a transsexual. She told how uncomfortable she was being male and I could relate to that. It was the first time I'd heard that said and I took notice but said nothing. 

I was aware of my feelings during my teenage years but other things more on my mind: school work and girls. I am non physical and quite feminine in my expression and was often thought to be gay but I knew that wasn't it. The feeling came back more strongly at the end of my teens and into my 20s and I bought some skirts and it felt like home - bliss - as I thought they would..I experimented with make-up with mixed success but I loved wearing nail varnish. I came out to a couple of friends and my mother about this time.  It was OK.

Family circumstances changed and I had to stop dressing.  I really miss it and think of it a lot. The feeling to dress again and to express my inner woman is becoming stronger.  The secrecy is becoming hard to bare by restricting something I need to do and preventing me from being totally me. It feeds on itself by inhibiting others from doing the same.

Becoming  more open about it on Experience Project is my tentative steps at coming out fully as a crossdresser and transgender. I like me this way and would have it no other.     
meganb1 meganb1
36-40, T
5 Responses Feb 20, 2013

Really great comments, thank you to you all. :)

So true Megan. I would love to come out and be a woman full time but circumstances just don't allow for that right now. Though when the world changes occur and everyone's frequency raises the negativity that we deal with won't have a place in the new world. So we will be able to be who we are unconditionally. I can't wait.

I know exactly what you mean. Living this double life of hiding my crossdressing from so many is very difficult both on me and my wife. She wants to talk to others about it and I want to do it more in public. It is very hard. And the kids are even a third level of confusion. Hang in there. I hope you get your chance. The best chance I will have is when I retire and am on vacation.

I agree with Kim, you deserve the contentment that comes with exploring your feminine side. Welcome to EP.

Megan, the feminine feeling never abates, it seems. Most of us who are somewhat older would tell you that feeling and the desire to dress only strengthens over time. You are a sweetheart and so deserve to achieve contentment with your femininity.