Sigh

It's not that I don't want to be alive. I just don't understand why I am. I have NO purpose. My existence is completely inconsequential to everyone. I am a failure. I am unlovable. Not that typing any of this matters because no one will read it anyway. I pray to my ceiling everyday to let me trade someone who has children or people who care about them life for death. At least then I'd have a purpose. I could take that persons place and allow their family to keep them and prevent their having to deal with the pain of loss, at least for awhile. At least then I would feel like my life made some kind of difference. I have no idea what I'm doing here.

ughs ughs
26-30
4 Responses Apr 29, 2010

I really relate to your feeling of having no purpose. Is there any skill that you can teach someone else? Have you tried volunteering at at-risk schools to help tutor children, or become a big brother/big sister to at-risk kids? Your life is never inconsequential to those who you reach out and help. As I write this, I now know my life is not inconsequential to my Aunt who looks forward to my visits, while she is bedridden with terminal cancer....or to my aging mother, who depends on me as a friend and daughter... or to my children - although they are totally self-centered at the moment - would deeply miss me if I was not around. Make your life mean something by being there for someone else. There are so many abandoned elderly in nursing homes who would just like for someone to come by and visit for a while. How about adopting a 'grandparent'? Spend time getting to know about their lives before they pass on. Let them know that their life is not inconsequential.

What you are,feeling and saying here is exactly what I feel the past year!! I'm so surprised that I am not alone as I really thought that I was the only one to have such feelings of wanting to die, even though there is nothing really wrong with my life. I just feel so non existence my being in this world. My family doesn't need me and there is nobody dependent on me that I need to live for. On the surface it looks like I have everything, my own home, car and no financial problem. I've been told that I'm smart, pretty and funny by friends and people but, yet I am so lonely and deep down I feel I have nothing even if superficially, I have it all. Everyday I pray to god to let me die and take the place of someone who has much to contribute to mankind and someone to live for. Then that would mean there was a meaning to my life. At least my life, though lived with no meaning but, died a worthwhile death by taking the place of someone who has much to give and live for.

I don't know anything about you -but yet you seem to have a feeling that is present in each and every person at some stage in life... I don't have any miracle or a cure for your feelings and I can't erase any past negative experiences... I have a suggestion for you - you may read on and at least give it a go or you can choose to read on and not do. I think the you might feel better if you begin to help other people (I don't mean full time -because you have to live other aspects of life also) but what I mean is do one or two days a month or a week of voluntary work, connect with positive people like Scouts, Ventures, Rovers or join a team sport and then volunteer to help out. Force yourself to appear happy and to sound happy -then eventually you'll start to feel more positive about life in general and eventually that feeling of emptiness and wasted space will get smaller and smaller and instead it will be replaced with the satisfaction from those that you have helped -even if no one else knows that you have helped. I wish you and anyone else who has or is feeling the same much happiness in life.

I did read your story...:P.....I think you are a kind person...and you're here because the world really needs kind people.....And even if now life doesn't give you the chance to show your kindness there will be a time when someone will truly need you.