I Wish I Could Get So Sick That It Would Kill Me.

I've lived so long with so much emotional pain. I've overcome PTSD once and it recurred, after 16 yrs, due to my son's illness that came out after his father completed suicide. I can't kill myself, not that it would have been okay for my kids before, but now I can't do that to them at all! I've been so strong for so many years that it's become so much work. I know the best thing I could do for my children would be to have a happy life. I can't do it anymore. I'm 53 now and I worked so hard to get better 20 yrs ago and did it! But now I'm back at just about he same place. I'm alone. No Ins to get the help I need, my kids are on their own ( thank God for their are independent) and here I am without any support. Don't say I should go to to my kids - they need to have lives of their own and it's no easy fix for me. They shouldn't be asked to help me. I'm just so blessed that they are as well as they are. I know you'll be thinking that they wouldn't want me to die and you're right but, how fair is it to ask them for help that they can't even give to me anyway?
AnnIam59 AnnIam59
1 Response Oct 5, 2012

I can relate... Illness, or horrible car wreck either one would be fine by me! Mugging even... Stray bullet, so many freak accidents happen every day why can't one happen to me?