How Do You Forgive When You Cant Forget??

How do you forgive someone when you cant forget what they did? Its been 4 and 1/2 months since my husband decided to work on our marriage after being unfaithfull. I wanted us to work things out and I love him but I didnt realize just how hard it would be. I thought I was dealing with ok but found out Im not. Everytime I look in his eyes I see her. Everytime I get in my car I see her dausghters stuff in it. Everytime I look at his cell phone I see the pics of her that were on there. Ive tried to forget about those things but I cant. I hadda erase teh pics on teh phone. I hadda remove the stuff from the car and throw it away. Im the one that hadda call her and tell her to stop calling my husband. Then he has the nerve to say he wants me to be like I was when we were first dating waiting on him hand and foot and being at his beck and call. The funny part is when I needed him the most and teh **** hit the fan instead of being there like he should have been he was spending all his time with her. Now he is sick and needs a kidney transplant. Im donating my kidney to save his life. Im quitting all the things that I enjoy in life to be healthy enough to donate. I take care of all his appointments all his doctors visits all his tests all his medicines. Plus cooking , cleaning, doing laundry and shopping. All the while never complaining once. All he does is lay in the bed complaining he dont feel good and he is tired. He still dont appreciate what I do for him. He never sayd thank you or shows me any affection or even acknowledges that he appreciates one thing I do. So today I just couldnt take any more and I let him have it. But how do I forgive him when I cvant forget how he treated me. Especially when I see no change in him. He is just making it ten times harder on me and Im wondering if its even worth it at all. Why am I trying so hard to forgive when he isnt changing and still dont appreciate me. Im feeling guilty about not being able to forget and for what. Maybey I made a mistake maybey I should have just let him go. It so hard carrying around all this anger its killing me. I wanna forgive but cant. So what now????

nync333 nync333
36-40, F
6 Responses Mar 10, 2009

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My concern for you is overwhelming, you had to remove her pictures from his phone, her stuff from the car, and tell her to stay away. !!!!!! hello he will be back with her just as soon as you give your kidney and nurse him back to health. you are preparing for even bigger blow than you have already been dealt.

I'd tell him to call a sibling for that kidney.

There was a man in the news who wanted his kidney back from his wife who cheated on him. What ever you do i hope you are 100% sure about it. is there a family member that can donate a kidney as a back up. would he do this for you if you cheated on him and needed a kidney.<br />
it would be hard for anyone to deal with infedelity and then having to deal with his negative attitude. after him hurting you so bad, and knowing he needs you he should be treating you with the up most respect.<br />
i know how it feels being broken hearted and having to care for someone who is unable to do so. He cheated on you so you can get a divorce if you really want to. you cant deal with him treating you like this, do you think he will change?<br />
if i was you i would leave!

I am not going to tell you to leave him, There is alot of things you are dealing with other then just your relationship. But you will never forget what he did. As much as I would love to say you would you wont. What you have to decide if you can accept what he did and truely forgive him. If you can't accept what he has done then you have not truely forgiven him nor will you be able to move on. If you were dealinh with just your relationship then I would say leave him in a heart beat. But I do think you should not wait on him hand and foot. If he were alone he would have to find away to do for himself. So let him. The maybe when you do something for him he will appreciate it and you more. When someone is sick it is ourselves that sometimes make it worse. Waiting on someone hand and foot is making it worse on you and him. If you are set on giving him your kidney that is fine. But you will still have to decide if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him. The biggest question is can you do that. <br />
I don't know if this helped. I wish you the best

oH MY GOD GIRL!!! LEAVE HIM! HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE YOU...HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU..YOU ARE HIS COOK, HIS CLEANER, HIS SLAVE, HIS KIDNEY GIVER...MY LORD!!! STOP!!!! HE CHEATED ON YOU? OH MY LORD! LET THE OTHER GIRL HAVE HIM..DONT WASTE YOUR TIME ON HIM OR YOUR YOUTH.... MOVE THE HELL ON PLEASE..MY GOD, CAN'T YOU SEE HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU? DIVORCE HIM, THEN HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH A HANDSOME GUY THAT WILL SHOW YOU EXCITEMENT AND APPRECIATION! FORGET HIM MY LORD...<br />
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET AWAY!!!<br />
<br />
noW!!!<br />
nOW!!!