I Wish I Could HelpI received a phone call the other day from my mom. My older sister has started do meth again!
Let me give you a liitle history:
When I was 14 years old I moved in with my sister, Monica (NOT her real name), so was 20 years old & pregnant with her 3rd child! I was going to school plus working 2 jobs. Being pregnant she wasn't working so I was paying all the bills including the rent for our apartment. She has done drugs since the age of 12 and at 14 I had only smoked weed. Going to school & working plus taking care of her kids was starting to take its toll on me at that was when Monica introduced me to speed (crystal, meth, whatever you want to call it--it's all the same thing). I started doing it on a regular basis to get through my hectic days. We were basically drug buddies. I did it to get everything done & she did it for recreation. She ended up having another kid ( for a total of 4 kids--2 girls & 2 boys).
Well, the father of the last one, had kicked the oldest one once. She went to school one day & her teacher asked where she got the bruise on her leg from. Of course she told the teacher her mom's boyfriend kicked her. So, that of course got child services called. They found out Monica was doing drug & so they took the kids until she gotten some rehab. Well, being so addicted to the drugs, Monica couldn't stop. To make a long story short she had her kids taken away from her permanently. At the time they were 6 yrs old, 3 yrs old, 2 yrs old, & 3 months old. My family tried getting custody but Monica, at the time was mad at my mom & told the courts that she didn't want my mom to get her kids. So, we couldn't get them back; they went up for adoption!
My sister & I stayed together off and on for a while. We continued doing drugs. Then we had gotten into a huge fight (I mean a big fist fight--blood & everything). She ended up pointing a gun in my face! After that I left & moved to New Mexico. I stayed there for 2 years then moved back to Vegas. Monica had been in Cali with a new boyfriend but then one night showed up on my doorstep at 3 in the morning. Of course I let her in & she stayed with me. This was about 3 years ago. (I was living with my husband and 2 sons) My husband knew about her past & didn't like the idea that she was staying with us but I couldn't turn her away. Every one in my famly has basically turned their backs on her because of what happened with her kids! I couldn't do that.....I felt I was the only person she had! I knew if she was with me I could watch her (with the whole drug use thing, like I always did....make sure she didn't go too far with it!) Her and I were doing drugs together again. She was now shooting up & of course I did it with her!
Well, we stayed there for 2 yrs & then my husband & I decided to moved into another apartment. Monica & my husband didn't get along (because they were both trying to raise my kids differently, my sister would spoil them 'cause she lost her kids & my husband had different views on some things she did & well those were HIS kids). I told my sister when we moved she was welcome to come with us but she told me that if my husband was going she wasn't! I wasn't about to leave him just 'cause she didnt like him. Monica didn't like that.....she felt I was turning my back on her like everyone else did. She moved to Oregon with my mom & we haven't spoke for a while!
My mom said she got off the drugs (I didn't believe it but my mom assured me she was). Well, it's getting closer to the holidays and this the worst time for my sister because of her kids. She goes through really bad depression about this time (& also their birthdays). So, my mom calls me 2 days ago & says "Monica is back on meth!" she got into a fight with my little sister and ended up going to jail.
With each passing year, Monica seems to get worse with the depression and for the past year or so she has been threatening suicide. My mom was crying saying that being taken to jail was the last straw and thinks that when Monica gets out she is going to try and OD (overdose on meth).
I know if Monica was with me she would be alright. I know I could handle her. But the things......my husband & her, my kids, me........first of all, I have been off drugs for almost 2 years & I know if she came back I would back on it. Also, I don't really want my kids around that sort of environment again. I would want nothing more than to be able to help Monica and my mom but I feel I need to put my family first...I can't take care of her for her whole life.
My biggest fear is knowing that she is serious & capable about ending her life and if that does (GOD FORBID) happen and I could have prevented it by being there for her how do you think that would make me feel.
I don't know what I should do!!!!
CRYBABY 21-25, F 4 Responses 0 Nov 6, 2006