More Than You Know, More Than You Know

When people break up I think every person (the dumped not the dumper) has a series of emotions in order to heal, and you have to experience these in the right order or it will all get jumbled together and you’ll have no idea where you are in life.  You could still be in love with them, or you could be in complete denial that you are over them.  Does that even make any sense?  Well, if I wrote a book about the stages the first would be, desperation.


Every person is desperate some point in their lives.  Maybe it’s cause they realized they they have a loved one they are thinking about and will do anything to have them fall into their arms again, or maybe it’s a sex drive that one can’t control.  No matter what all of us face a period where the only thing we can think of is that one “intolerance”  the one thing you love and hate at the same exact time. and one thing in your life that you want to indulge in - but your stopped, not by self control (at this point you have none) but by the one thing you want to take you back. 

Then when you realize you can’t have this, you move on to unsignificant others who are there to plug the wholes in your sink.  They’re like the molded food you forgot about in the back of your refrigerator, that you now have stinking up and clogging your sink.  You think it would be smart to put it down the drain and soon dispose of it all together, but instead of it going away, it grows and makes you feel dirtier than ever.  And yes, I’m talking about being a *****.


Next is denial.  I’d say these are the worst, especially if you’re a good liar, because then everyone believes it’s a real recovery,

                                      but no, I’m just faking it.  

You meet other guys, you smile,

you laugh,

you tell everyone how much you like them,

       but when you are going to bed at night, you don’t think of your new guy,

you don’t think about what you did with them, or how they made you laugh, you think about how amazing it would if you could share those memories with him.


 Denial is the epitome of breaking up.  It’s so depressing to others around you, if you’re bad at lying.  Luckily I have a skill of never telling the truth so I never had to worry about that.  I’m not saying I’m a pathological liar, but I tend to tell things to make others feel good, and then those lies build up inside & the people I love find out about those lies, then you get angry cause they’re doubting you, because you’re regretting your decisions, and you doubt yourself.   At this point you’re so angry with yourself you can’t contain the pain, and that’s when life gets bad.  Because then people who have stuck with you through the good and the bad realize that something is off, and they start to worry.   That’s the worst- when people you’re close to sympathize and worry about you for what you’re going through- like they actually know what is going through your head and know what you’re thinking.  You want to slap them and wake them up because they are so blind to the feelings and thoughts that are going through your mind, but then you hug instead because you realize that they are trying to help, they just don’t realize that only you can drag yourself out of this state, only you can renew yourself….and we all know it’s easier to just talk.  Actions speak louder than words.  Perhaps that’s why I feel so mute.

hayleymeike hayleymeike
18-21, F
Jul 30, 2007