If Only I Could Fade Out Of View And Out Of Existence...

wouldn't it be nice to suddenly dissolve into nothing... no feelings, no thoughts, no hurt or pain, nothing can touch me, noone can see me...

and then again...  think about those people who do feel that way.. who have nobody, who feel like they don't have a life, who wonder why they exist at all...

when life gets too hard i just want to sink into the earth and disappear... i'm sure i've served my purpose here.. i brought my children into existence and touched some people's lives.. is there something else i'm meant to do?  i guess there must be else i wouldn't still be here...  maybe the right time and moment hasnt appeared yet.. maybe i'm supposed to grow old and teach my grandchilden something really important... i wish i knew...

truthseekr truthseekr
56-60, F
3 Responses Mar 11, 2010

I too often wish I could just disappear, just vanish. It's hard to explain, and yes there are folks posting on here who think that we're just a bunch of whiners, and they have their right to their opinion, but that doesn't change the way I feel.

I just want to be gone, just fade away. I'm just so over the struggle of life. At this stage of life, I had expected something a bit different. Now I find myself so unhappy all the time.

To disappear, to just vanish would be the answer to my prayers. I serve no purpose here.

A friend told me that just writing your feelings down, getting them out, helps you to unburden, helps to make you feel better. Unfortunately, it doesn't really help me. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's pointless.

My wanting is not a death of existence but to disappear from what is now, a rebirth of hope, loving every breath & experiencing anew. <br />
I still wonder my purpose too, the only time I smile & laugh out loud is through my gyngals & the joy of them.<br />
Qualified counsellor specializing in trauma over 20 years of working with death, abused children to the elderly, broken relationships, Etc etc ... I think about all the work the many people, what i'd said but now WHAT do I know? <br />
I've been sinking into nothingness for almost 5 years and wonder when it will, praying, screaming for it to end? I feel nothing, or feel too much, I can't cry or cry to much, I want to be held but cant stand to be touched, I can't sleep or sleep to much.. Why can't they understand that the words are not there to explain this yet they want to understand, what caused this, just get over it, your a strong woman look at what you have accomplished. If only I knew? I wouldn't be here now?<br />
I have a job too, been there 14 years but i'm lucky if I've been to work 6 days over the past three months, used all my leave so no pay, bills screaming to be paid, husband I have left so I don't have to deal with him as I can't deal with me. No money no income waiting for my car to be repossessed but all "I have to do is walk into work and get paid" that easy? 5 days not left house, phone dead, no shower, don't care what for. Better stop now sound like a winger guess it's easier to talk on this, with no eyes staring back at me.

i feel the same way. What next? My kids don't need me anymore. I have a job and a boyfriend and a house with two mortgages. I'm in debt. I have no money. My car is 12 years old and needs repairs. I feel like a failure. I don't even have money to give my daughter a gift for graduating from college. I feel so badly about myself.

you sound so much like me!! My car is really really old ('93 Ford!) and I can't afford the repairs, I've already become bankrupt in the last 12 months, my daughter helps ME out with some money or groceries and I still have a job and boyfriend but no mortgages (thank goodness!!), anyway, chin up... you can't be a failure if you still have job, boyfriend, house &amp; daughter! Put mind to what you want to see happen in your life and don't dwell on anything that threatens to pull you down emotionally... it will all come right in the end ;-)