... But Where/when Will The Running Stop?

I've escaped. I'm not in that house anymore; there's nothing for me there anyway. I've taken our son and run and now you can only call to scream your anger over the phoneline and make threats and meaningless accusations. But you've lost the power of immediate gratification - you can't actually DO anything to me this time. Not yet, anyway.

You're so stupid. You won't answer my questions directly and you change your story to suit your mood. You conveniently "forget" your words I can quote back to you, and pretend those conversations never happened. I've already told you I'm recording from the beginning of the conversation, and that's not about to change, nor will the recordings be deleted. Let them hear you get angry and tell me what my place is again. Let everyone know how you trapped me in my own home and refused to let me see my family, how you're still trying to keep me away from them. Let the recording show how inaccurate your vocabulary can be while you accuse me of things that were neither threatened nor actually happened.

Blackmail means when people do something wrong and get caught and the person who caught them makes them jump through hoops to keep from paying the real consequences of their actions. Come to think of it, maybe that IS what I'm doing... here's a deal for you: you leave us the hell alone and NEVER EVER bother us again and maybe, just maybe, I'll ignore all the crap you've been putting me through for the past 6 years and the abuses you've rained down upon our preschool-age son. See? NOW it can be considered blackmail. Manipulating? Of course. How else was I supposed to get away from you? Telling the truth only brings on more abuse and restrictions. Of course I was going to behave and turn a blind eye (but never TRULY blind) while you keep on as before. You seem to think as long as I'm not fighting back, our relationship's going great. But you know what? I HAVE been fighting back, documenting every single thing you've been doing to us. As long as you -think- all's well, I have a chance at gaining your "permission" (as a grown adult woman!?) to do something somehow resembling "normal" life. Like visit my family. Or maybe even just call them without being monitored.

Yeah, screw this. I'm out. I'm done. I'm gone.

... or so I thought.

You want your power back. Why couldn't you just be selfish and self-centered like you've always been and just leave well enough alone while you pursue all those interests (and "interests") that kept you away from us while we were still there? No, you have to have the upper hand again. You have to drag us back to you kicking and screaming and make sure that nobody can (or wants to) do anything to save us. I will not let this happen. Do you hear me? I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!!

You think I'm stupid and spineless and helpless? You have underestimated me. You WILL NOT be in power over us anymore. I WILL get us free from you. You won't hurt us anymore. If I have to keep running forever, it'll be better than being trapped like you had me. I will never be that chained up caged up little object for you to use as your personal doormat whenever you wished. People aren't property. Our son is not property. And this person has finally remembered who she is, and you will not take that away from me again. And I'll be damned if you do the same to our son or turn him into an abuser like you.

ViolaPercy ViolaPercy
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 24, 2010

Thanks guys. The terrifying part is at this point it looks like I've got a lot more running ahead of me. When you fit neither the jurisdiction you -were- in nor the jurisdiction you've escaped to, it basically means nobody can help you (at least not right away) which puts you in pretty significant danger. He's technically got the upper hand in that legally we can be forced to return (can you believe this ****!?) So yeah... lacing up my Converse at this point.

You go, Rosa. You've got more spine than he does, that's for sure.