7th Grade

  Everysince the 8th grade i've been suicidal. It started when my mom (who is so freakin over-protective, AND nosy) read a letter I wrote about a boy. OMGosh.. She literally flipped her little lid. That was the first (and only) physical fight we got into (which was not a fight..she held my head down and beat it like a egg LOL). But that was the first day of my pill-popping episode. I mean, I went into my grandmother's (who had bad autheritus) pain meds, high blood pressure and popped a handfull...

  I'm not a gun person. I'm afraid of doing it-because I know if I kill myself it's a sin-i'd be murdering myself-and i couldn't ask for forgiveness...

lostprophet lostprophet
22-25, F
5 Responses Mar 9, 2009

no..she's not controlling. She was never HORRIBLE..just..irked the hell outta me and had to know what was going on. It's not like she did manditory checks of my things etc. And yeah, i moved far enuff..i'd hate myself for life if i moved a way trying to escape her..and something happened to her. Seems like you're becoming familiar with a few of my stories, you'll stumble upon how small my family is then you'll see why i'd never just up and haul ***..trying to be defiant.

lol oh yea. it wasn't so bad that she wouldn't allow me to go anywhere-or do anything without her. But she monitered my ever move, phone call (yes she actually listened)..the whole 9 yards. <br />
<br />
Lol it's wonderful being GROWN (EVEN THO SHE STILL TRY TO BE IN MY BUSINESS-WHAT LITTLE I HAVE). Even when I moved in the dorms she made me feel so freakin bad I started to just stay at home at nights and come to the dorms late to take a shower and get new clothes. So it's basically either i'm with her and miserable-kinda. Or i'm away from her and she puts me through hell UNTIL i feel so bad it's better if i go back with her. <br />
I hope I feel better one day...but if not..i'm so used to it now.. it'll be just another day.

!!! Your mom read a letter you wrote !!!??<br />
<br />
I would have literally died if my mom did that!!<br />
<br />
I feel so awful for you!!!!!!<br />
<br />
You WILL feel better someday....<br />
I tell myself that when I'm down...and I do not think that medication is always the way to go either.

I will..oneday..just not ..today.

Hey - DO NOT do this!!! PLEASE see your doc or a therapist. <br />
I KNOW what this feels like - and when you are medicated and talking to a therapist, you will feel so much better.