When Will My Life Begin?

I spend most of the day daydreaming what my life would be like if I was out on my own. I would be able to go wherever I wanted to go and make my own decisions. Having a place of my own would be paradise...if it were real. All I do is stay in my room and watch television all day; I have a car and I could be on the road doing things for myself and having fun like everyone else. My mom and stepdad don't want me to drive (I have my permit all I need is the license) but no one will help me with driving. I thought if I could drive by now, I would probably have a job too. They don't want me to work either but they don't give me a good reason why I shouldn't work. I'm not the kind of person who likes to ask people for things; I'd rather be an independent 20 year old woman. Staying here in this house isn't fun at all, no one really talks to me when I'm here but when I don't talk to them they get concerned and ask me what's wrong? I want to move out of here so bad that it is the ultimate goal for me. I only brought up the idea of moving out once, with my mom but it didn't go too well. She kept asking me if there was something wrong or if she was doing to make me feel that way. I held my tongue and I have been regretting it since, she thinks that my stepdad is this superhero and that he can do no wrong. He's an alcoholic, bad tempered and an abuser and I have been suffering for over a decade. Maybe my mom is ignoring it or in denial but all I know is that she told me that she would NEVER put me in a situation where she met someone who was abusive in any way. I want all of this pain to go away and I want to be happy with my life but how can I when everything is a fantasy world for my mom but a complete nightmare for me? I want my mom to be happy but I don't want her to settle with just anyone and change herself in order to keep this man. I really don't know my mom anymore and it makes me sad every single day. I love her with my heart I just don't have any respect for my stepdad and I ready to get out!
beautywithin20 beautywithin20
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 18, 2011

Someone did a good job somewhere cause you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. <br />
I know Parents 'seem' to control everything and at your age, now is when you start taking control back, it's a hard balance, too much freedom at a young age can be bad, you aren't finished becoming the woman you will be. I'm sorry they made some very bad choices, that cause you a lot of harm but it can be turned to make you strong, wise and maybe help others out of these situations someday.<br />
I have 2 Daughters, one close to your age and the other is older but we struggle with letting go, but it is truly our job to help Our Children fly on their own, and even if it's sad, it's also really wonderful when it happens. God Bless and Best wishes on your future!