I Wish I Could Relive My Life!!!

i wish i could live my life differently because i have been through the toughest times growing up!! when i was 4 my mom and dad divorced and for a year me and my mom were on our own and then she met HIM a guy named terry! well anyway they were bf and gf for like 7 months and he was so nice to her and me, then they got married he started beating my mom and raping her i couldnt stand living with that *** wipe i jus couldnt take it anymore so one day i went to my moms room and i heard screaming and yelling crying i looked under the door to their room and i saw him pointing at my mom and calling her a ***** and then all of a sudden he throws a telephone and breaks the mirror my mom was standing in front of! it scared me so i ran over to my gmas house and i stayed ther for the night! i didnt want to go home! but where i use to live in walnut grove missouri where my dad was, was almost the exact same way my dad met this ***** of a gf and she beat me, her kids, and my brothers!!!! and wat was really gross was that she would breast feed her oldest son in front of my brothers and her oldest son was like 15!! i know gross right! well my mom was married to *** face aka terry for about a year until he kicked our dog that my dad gave my mom and killed him! he was such an *** and i still hate him and my dads ex gf! well she divorced terry and after me and my mom went to california for like two weeks and stayed with cuzins! when we finally went home i was so happy to see my other family! but a couple years went passed and i was 11 i was into drugs and drinking i jus loved the excitement of it all! but i knew i had to stop so i did and now im 16 for the past couple of years i have been cutting myself cuz i have hated my life so much! but after awhile i have stopped and talked about it with friends i have moved around alot and i jus wanna stay in one spot! we have moved alot because of friends and stuff when i was 13 one of my best friends died and i couldnt get outta my mind i cried for like 6 weeks straight and also my aunt died and left my cuzin with hiz dad and his home life is so so so bad i couldnt live with my self if i lived there you know! i have tried to kill myself like 3 times! and im not proud of myself for any of it! i cant stand knowing my life was this bad so i jus wish i could relive my life and make it better! for people that read this thank you for your support! and i hope none of you have or will make the mistakes i have! ok

<3 tana

babycakes6 babycakes6
18-21, F
6 Responses Dec 22, 2006

I hear ya girl...I went through a pretty ****** up-bringing too! I'm sorry : ( You're still young though! and have sooo much to turn around and live for...hopefully you see that in yourself : )

Wow. I am really really glad I just joined this group. Your storie... is amazing. Although you may feel like it is the worst thing that has ever happend to you, when I read this... all I could think about is how strong you must be to endure all this. I am a cutter myself, and have been clean since october. Let me tell you something... The cuts the arent worth it... you have made it this far... and you are going to make it so much farther. You are a inspiring girl... and I mean it. Keep your head up. Rule # 1 is dont let them scare you. <br />
My name is syd by the way... if you wanna talk I am here. I have been through/am going through a lot of the things you are. <br />
Its nice to meet ya...<br />

hey your story has touched me too, I hope you are doing better now, I'm also here if you need to talk and hey me and you have the same name, if tana is your name. hugzzz

aww hun, you're story really touched me. I am going through some of your expierences as well. Try reading the book a Child called It. It has a lot of the same expierences in it, and will help you to know you are not alone. I am here if you ever need to talk!!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that , I hope everything in ur life is going better now , and if you ever just need to talk well i'm here for you , take care of yourself sweetie . <br />
~ BeautifulDisaster ~

Aww, sweety. It's sad that this kind of thing happens so much. I had a very similar experience growing up, except not with physical abuse but a lot of mental mind *******. Mom's a drug addict, father's screwed up. I don't speak with them any more and my mom is going to die soon. We can talk more details if you like. In the meanwhile, just know that as alone as you may feel at times, you're not. And don't waste your energy cutting yourself up (I used to do it too at your age). It may feel good at the moment but it's not the way to really feel better. This is tough for you because you're at a transitional time in your life, and I know most advice you hear are things you won't listen to or won't understand. But remember for now, you've got another 50-70 or more years of living ahead of you. This is just the beginning! Life gets harder. But still, if you learn as soon as you can how to deal with the obstacles that come at you, you'll only get stronger and wiser with time. And then you'll appreciate the beauty of life even more, having understood its sadnesses. I used to be suicidal too.. for many years. I still struggle at times, but I figure, hey, I'm definitely gonna die someday anyway so I may as well just keep going as long as I can and see what happens on the way. And a lot of good things finally happened. It will for you too, if you look for them. Take care for now.