Do You Ever Wish...

Sometimes I wish that I could completely open myself up and love freely with my whole being.  You know, the type of love that you have with your VERY 1st love, the one where you just know that you are never gonna get hurt and you are just certain that it will never, ever end??

My fiance and I have known each other 6 years, and we have been dating for 1 year.  3 years ago, I was hurt pretty bad by a man whom I thought was the love of my life.  My fiance now and I started talking last night, and he brought up some points that are totally valid. 

I love my fiance, trust me.  Love him more than anything, but somehow, I can't give him ALL of me.  It is just like my heart is just imprisoned, and that just isn't fair to him.  It is so weird, but I just can't seem to shake this.  I wish that I could love him openly, freely, just as he definitely deserves- just like that first love.  Before a broken heart and a broken spirit, before reality took hold of things.  I want to love without this irrational fear that something is always going to go wrong......

Is this possible??  I know everyone reading this thinks I am totally mental, but really, does anyone else deal with this??

BeautifulSoul BeautifulSoul
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 26, 2007

I do. but I have nothing else to say. I wish I knew how to do that again. I'm not sure if you really can