I Want To Forget

I've just recently broken up with my ex..we were together for only 8 months. But in that 8 months we have been through so much together. We both had been through similar situations and could relate well with one another. After being together for a couple months he came to me with nowhere to go, he had gotten kicked out of his house. I was in no place to let him stay with me, so I offered to help find somewhere for him to go and help him figure out what he was going to do. I loved him already by this point and it broke my heart that I couldn't do more for him. My parents didn't agree with what I was doing, taking on his problems, so in turn with helping him..I got kicked out also. We didn't have anywhere to go, but luckily I had a friend willing to help me out as much as he could at the time. I had to sell all the things I worked for to get the money for two bus tickets to Tenn, where I thought we could start over. Ever since we have gotten here it 's been one thing after the other..our relationship has been pushed and tested to the limit. And I guess with all the strain of the stress, it failed. He told me I pushed him into the arms of another woman..which he was already talking to while we were together. Why is it that I'm the one that did all the dirty work to make sure we were together, and the one that gets hurt so badly? I'm learning to sleep alone again..spend majority of my time alone again..all of it. I cry most nights, cause I miss him so badly. I honestly just want to forget him completely..I don't want to remember his face, the way he use to look at me, the way he held my hand in the car. I want to forget everything..I want to go back to the life I was living before I met him. Where I was with my family and friends that loved me, not hundreds of miles up the road all alone. And to make matters worse, he left me while I'm dealing with a lot of medical problems. I want him there with me so bad, but it just can't happen. Instead I'm doing this all by myself and it's a very scary thing for me. It's killing me everyday I have to wake up without him and go to sleep alone. I just feel empty anymore..I don't care about too much. I just want to foget how bad I hurt for one day..one minute even.
Bamababydoll Bamababydoll
22-25, F
1 Response Jun 16, 2010

I read your story. So sorry for all the pain your experiencing. I do have the answer for you if you want to listen. Close to 38 years ago. I felt in some ways like you. Thought I needed and wanted a man in my life. I've learned that man is not the answer I needed. I was searching for something within me that would take a higher power to change my life. I have a praying mother she prayed for me for years. One day she invited me to a meeting. I went to that meeting not knowing what was about to happen to me. To make a long story short. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and forgive me for all my sins. The moment I did. He forgave me for all my sins. I felt like a weight had lifted from me. I felt so free. Words cannot express what I was feeling for anyone to understand until they except Him as lord and savior. He is just that a savior.. He will save you from fears, discouragements, worry, hurts etc. He will replace it for peace and a joy that you can't express. I thank him every day for my salvation. I've seen so many prayers answered and my needs are always met. I'm single and I've learned that lonliness comes because our focus is on something that is not fulfilling. If you have a Holy 'Bible around or get one. Read in the book of Roman's chapter 10 verses 9, 10. If you have any question's I'm here in experience project to be a help to someone. God bless you.