Second Chances

For years I've lived with the mistakes I've made, over and over. Before I never really thought I deserved a second chance honestly. I've never been a forgiving person so to speak, but since I've screwed up so much, the one person I seem to be trying to forgive is myself. Another thing I've learned to be true, is that forgiveness isn't for the person you are forgiving..it's for yourself. To truly move on in your own life, you have to be willing to let go of all the mistakes, mistakes others have made and the ones you've made as well. Or you won't be able to move on and be happy. Now, like I said..I never thought I should have a second chance at anything. I did some pretty ****** things to ppl..I was a horrible person in my own standards. I have tried to make amends with that part of my life because I know now that's not who I am anymore. I'm completely polar opposite of that person, and for that I'm truly grateful, but that still don't erase what I did. I try not to regret the things I have done in my life, because all of my actions has help shape the person I am now. Despite my past, I'm a good person now..I was then too, it just took a lot of pain to bring that person out of me. IDK..here lately my past has been bothering me. I'm with someone that I love more than anything and I thought I was over most of my past. But I'm seeing that I'm not, and it's holding me back. I can't imagine my life without this person now..and I'm worried that I'm gonna mess it up. How do you just let go of everything? I'm not sure I know how..if it was that easy I would have done it a long time ago. Maybe I'm just too far gone to change now. But now that I've found him, I want that second chance more than ever. Do I think I deserve it? No I don't, but that don't stop me from wanting it. There is nothing I can do now that will ever make my past actions justifiable, but I plan on working toward it every single day I'm alive. The man I love makes me want to be a better person than what I was before, better than what I am now, and better than what I can be in the future. We all may not think we deserve second chances, but when we get them we shouldn't pass them up either. We are our worst critics..no one can judge me worse than what I do.

 

Magan

Bamababydoll Bamababydoll
22-25, F
Mar 27, 2010